


A Rose-Colored Dream; Soonhoon

by kwanies



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cupid AU, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Soonyoung is a Cupid and Jihoon is his target, Strangers to Lovers, jeonghan and josh are angels!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2020-11-27 02:10:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20940572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwanies/pseuds/kwanies
Summary: Cupids don't do feelings - they handle them, they stir them up and stimulate them and get them going in the right places between the right people, but you'll never catch an angel with both wings on his back and his heart in his hands. Love wasn't made for them to have, it was made for them to give.So, reason number one as to why Soonyoung hates being a Cupid: he's no good at it, fails all his missions. And reason number two: he doesn't know how to not fall in love with his target.That's a problem.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so ! i've never written anything like this, fantasy type aus aren't something i've ever tried before, so this is a prettyyyyyy new experience for me and i do apologize if some things don't flow so well ! i'm trying to keep everything connected and making sense but i do tend to make mistakes !
> 
> i've been wanting to write an au like this ever since i read this huidawn fic agessss ago - i've drawn a lot of inspiration from there <3
> 
> i can't promise that updates will be super frequent (school is starting to pick up the pace hhh) but i'll definitely try ! i really do hope you all like it :')
> 
> p.s. please let me know if the italics for jeonghan's voice are confusing !! it was the only way i could think to format his dialogue, but if it isn't working very well i'll try to come up with something different <3

°

**JEONGHAN IS TRULY ** angelic, like something out of a classic painting; fair, bright-eyed and kind, holding a heart stained white with purity. Soonyoung looks at him often and finds himself sighing. _ Wish I could be like that _.

Soonyoung has bright eyes, but they’re reckless. He’s a clumsy sort of kind, endearingly sweet, like a child, and his heart is more bruised than pure. He doesn’t know how to go about things the way he should, he only knows how to try his best - which, unfortunately, doesn’t seem to hold much weight up in the clouds. Jeonghan likes to see the best in him, anyway.

“Don’t do this to me,” Soonyoung groans. “It’s the third time this month. I’m just gonna screw it up again.”

“No you won’t,” Jeonghan insists. “The third time’s a charm, I believe it, I can _ feel _it. You got this.”

“Says who? I’m no good at these things.”

“If that were true, you wouldn’t be a Cupid.”

“I’m not kidding when I tell you I _ always _ wonder how I got stuck with this job. I think the answer is that I’m equally hopeless at everything else. It’s probably safest for the Council to just stick me with the matchmaking game.”

Jeonghan strides over and tosses the file onto the table by Soonyoung, motioning for him to flip it open. “The Council has kept you here because they see your potential, and they like you. If you were really that useless, they’d probably just dismiss you entirely.”

“Can they even do that?”

“What, dismiss you? Yeah. If it gets bad enough, they’ll just kick you out. Drop you down on Earth and say _ have fun living a finite life _.” Soonyoung gapes at him, horrified, and Jeonghan immediately backtracks. “But that won’t happen to you!” he says. “Just look at the file, okay?”

Soonyoung heaves a sigh, dropping his shoulders and reaching to grab the papers, all stacked neatly and bundled inside a creamy folder. He flips it open and starts scanning the first page.

_ Lee Jihoon. 23 years old. Rookie producer at Pledis Ent. Lives alone, introverted. If he isn’t at home or at work, he’s probably at the nearest cafe. Sleep-deprived. Overworked. Hopelessly gone for his best friend. _

“Your job,” Jeonghan interrupts his reading, “is to turn that _ hopeless _ into something a lot more hopeful.”

“Right, because I’m _ so _ good at that.” Soonyoung rolls his eyes and turns to the next page, pausing with his fingers hovering over what looks like a license photo. “Oh. He’s cute.” Jeonghan leans in closer.

“Mm-hmm, and he’s smart, funny, talented, sweet - the whole package. Come on, Soonyoung, you’re practically _ set up _ for success. Just stop putting yourself down and tell yourself you can do it.”

“Easier said than done. I can’t help feeling like this is just gonna be another disaster. Watch me ruin this guy’s chances completely, it wouldn’t be the first time.” Soonyoung feels pathetic, deflating in front of Jeonghan, who seems to shine so brightly no matter what the setting is.

“At the end of the day, all you can do is go down there and try your best. It’ll be a whole lot easier if you don’t make yourself feel like shit while you’re at it.”

Soonyoung knows it, hates that he’s right. It’s just so much easier to be a pessimist.

“Fine, I’ll do it.”

“Awesome. You didn’t really have a choice anyway, but I appreciate your cooperation. You leave tomorrow.”

“_ Tomorrow _?”

“As soon as possible,” Jeonghan reiterates. “You could go now, if you’d like.”

“Jesus, no, okay. I gotta prepare myself.”

Jeonghan grins wide and kind and pats Soonyoung’s shoulder like he’s a little kid. “You got this, right? I believe in you.”

Soonyoung reaches up to rub his eyes, feeling the pressure lift off his shoulder when Jeonghan moves to cross the room. He pauses with his hand at the door, and Soonyoung stares at him. Perfect Yoon Jeonghan, angelic in every sense of the word. Every part of him glows, from the apples of his cheeks to the tips of his wings, full and feathery. Soonyoung’s are more withered.

“The sooner I get this done,” he says, “the sooner I can come back and rest, right? No more jobs?” Jeonghan smiles at him sadly.

“Just … follow your heart on this one. I can’t make you any promises, but I really think you’ll pull it off. And then … And then you can rest, yes. I’ll make sure of it.”

Soonyoung hears it, the warning note - it’ll be a lot harder for Jeonghan to _ make sure of it _ if sending Soonyoung out there turns out to be another mistake. He might be high up, but even he doesn’t have enough power to go against the Council. They’ll probably just keep throwing Soonyoung out on the battlefield until he gets it right.

And he’s _ so tired _. He wants to get this right.

**—**

It’s Jeonghan who bids him goodbye, with Joshua at his side. They stand together like they stepped out of a picture, and Soonyoung thinks that if he looks directly at them for too long, he might go blind. He says, “You know, you don’t _ always _ have to send me off. I feel like a child on his first day of school.” Joshua snorts.

“You basically are. Good luck in kindergarten, try not to get bullied by the bigger kids.” He winces when Jeonghan hits his arm.

“Don’t listen to him, Soonyoung, you’ll be fine.”

“I _ know _. I’m always fine. I could probably blow up my human’s home and the Council would still keep me on, for whatever ungodly reason. I couldn’t lose this job if I wanted to.”

“Don’t say that,” Joshua warns, “or you’ll actually lose your job.”

“Would you miss me?”

“I think it’s time for you to go.” He makes a show of holding his wrist up, looking down at an imaginary watch and then looking back up to give Soonyoung a big wave. “Good luck!”

Jeonghan steps forward to give him a soul-crushing hug, whispers, “He’s definitely going to miss you,” and then lets go, patting Soonyoung on the chest. “You got this.”

“You always say that.”

“And I always mean it.”

Soonyoung sighs and takes a step back, looking down at the space beneath him. A few feet away, his world seems to end, fading out into thick bunches of clouds. Soonyoung’s made the trip down to Earth enough times to get used to the feel of free-falling, but he still gets a little anxious every time he heads out. Like he’s also gotten used to coming back disappointed.

“I’ll try not to be too long,” he says, not looking up.

“Easy job,” Joshua reassures him. “I saw the file. You’ll be back in no time.” Soonyoung could scoff, say something like _ yeah, right, when do things ever work out that well for me _\- but he decides he’s tired of putting this off. With one last, final wave, he offers the two angels the biggest grin he can manage.

“Don’t have too much fun without me,” is the last thing he says before leaving, walking up to where the ground stops and pushing off with his foot. Frail wings fluttering in the air, the sound of wind whistling in his ears, he can still hear Jeonghan calling out to him -

“Be careful, come back soon!”

**—**

He hits the parking lot with a lot less grace than he knows he should, given the experience he has, and hisses when his knees knock against the pavement. His hands go forward instinctively and stop him from rolling over himself, but when he manages to right himself and look down at them, his palms are all scratched up, bleeding a little. It doesn’t hurt too bad right away - he’s too distracted, trying to take in his surroundings all at once - but he still groans. “Aw, fuck.”

“Are you okay?”

Soonyoung’s head whips around to find someone standing over him, blocking out the sun with his body. It takes a moment for the face to register, but Soonyoung recognizes him almost right away. _ Jihoon _ . He clears his throat, trying to get into character. “Er, yeah. I fell.” _ Smooth. _

“I can see that.”

Jihoon holds out a hand to help Soonyoung up, grunting slightly at the weight, and pauses while Soonyoung brushes himself off.

“Well, uh. Watch where you’re going, next time. It’s easy to trip if you’re not paying attention.”

He starts to walk off, spinning a keyring around his finger and humming a little, but the part of Soonyoung’s brain that doesn’t want to fuck this up so soon kicks into action, and he goes running after him.

“Wait, wait - !“ Jihoon stops, turning to face him again. Soonyoung catches up and holds out his arm like a stop sign, panting slightly from the sudden panic of almost losing his target. “I’m, uh, where am I?” Jihoon blinks at him.

“What?”

Soonyoung holds his hand up to the back of his head, smiling awkwardly and trying to look clueless - which, you know, isn’t that hard.

“I’m a little lost. See, I - I just moved in the other day, and I’m still trying to figure out my way around … I thought going for a walk would help me orient myself, but I just … yeah.”

It’s easy to lie, Soonyoung finds it’s the one thing he doesn’t mess up when he goes out to do these jobs. Especially in situations like these, when all he has to do is act awkward and a little oblivious. Stutter a bit, talk slow and uncertain, and _ bingo _ \- it’s almost laughable how good he is at it.

“Oh, I mean. Do you know your address?”

Soonyoung starts rifling through his bag, a simple sort of rucksack he carries with him that holds all he needs to know - his character profile, game plan, Jihoon’s file - and comes up with a little sticky note. He smiles bashfully and reads the address out loud, saying, “I’m not very good at remembering these things.”

Jihoon stands awkwardly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and shoving his hands in his pockets. “Ah, it’s alright, you said you just moved in the other day? Naturally you wouldn’t get everything right off the bat. But, uh, that address - your building is just one down from mine, you can walk the rest of the way with me.”

Part of Soonyoung’s character profile tells him that he’s recently transferred to Seoul to fulfill his new position as a company choreographer - for Pledis, obviously. Everything the Council does, all the strings they pull and the stories they create, is done entirely with the intention of bringing a Cupid closer to his target. Soonyoung lives one building down from Jihoon, they work at the same company; everything is prepared, it’s just up to Soonyoung to actually set things into motion.

“That’s cool, we work at the same company,” is what Jihoon says when Soonyoung tells him about his job. “So I’ll be seeing you around a lot more often, then.”

“Yeah, yeah, hopefully.”

It slips out without much thought, and Soonyoung doesn’t realize the implication of his words until Jihoon looks at him, eyebrow quirked. “I mean, hopefully, like - maybe you can show me around more? Since we live pretty close and - and, yeah.” He can feel his face turning red, and wonders how much of this is acting and how much of it him actually being flustered.

“I wouldn’t mind,” Jihoon says, smiling slightly, and something in Soonyoung’s chest bubbles. He’s about to laugh, say something like _ thanks, you’re a saint _, but Jihoon inhales sharply, looking down at the cuts on Soonyoung’s hands and chewing his lip. “You wouldn’t happen to have a first aid kit, would you? Don’t want those to get infected.” Soonyoung shakes his head.

“It’s fine, I’ll just wash my hands. They’ll be alright.”

“I have gauze and antiseptic, if you want to stop by for a minute or two. I don’t think water will do the trick entirely.”

Soonyoung’s about to shrug off the offer, shake his head and insist that it’s not necessary, he’ll be okay, but a strange feeling starts to prickle at the back of his neck, and it hits him; this is an opportunity, and Jihoon is handing it _ right to him_.

“I - If it isn’t too much trouble - “ Jihoon waves him off.

“It’s nothing, but promise me you’ll get some first aid in your apartment. That’s the number one thing a person should have when moving in.” Soonyoung can’t help feeling embarrassed, and a little set up, to be honest; he wouldn’t be surprised if the Council purposely created his profile to make him look like an idiot, but Jihoon seems sweet enough to not be judging him for it.

“I probably seem like a real mess,” Soonyoung tries later, his legs swinging off the barstool he’s sitting on. They’re in Jihoon’s kitchen, the latter rummaging through a small black bag while Soonyoung’s eyes flicker around the room. It’s neat, kind of empty - where Soonyoung is used to decorating his walls with photographs and buying too many throw pillows, Jihoon’s home feels a little less homey.

He continues, “Tripping in the parking lot, forgetting my own address … I promise I’m not this incompetent all the time.” Jihoon snickers.

“Don’t worry about it, I remember when I moved on my own for the first time - fucking terrifying. The only difference is I was too shy to ask for help, so I just struggled on my own a whole lot of the time - ah, here we go,” he pulls out a few cotton rounds and a small wrap of gauze, setting them down next to the bottle of antiseptic.

At home, Soonyoung is practically invincible. Cuts are no more than small scratches, healing within seconds; a broken bone could hardly even be called broken. Earth, though, is a different story.

He has to be as human as possible - _ to blend in _\- and so he feels pain just as any regular human would. He thinks it’s a pretty dumb rule, but the burn of alcohol against his hands and the way his face scrunches up reminds him that there’s nothing he can do about it. Jihoon laughs softly.

“Maybe you’ll watch where you’re going, next time.”

“I definitely will,” Soonyoung assures him, slowly relaxing as Jihoon starts unraveling the wad of gauze. He’s gentle, careful, wrapping the material around Soonyoung’s hands and asking him where it’s too tight, or too loose. Soonyoung can see what Jeonghan meant when he said this would be an easy job - Jihoon is a sweetheart, it can’t be _ that _ hard to fall in love with him.

_ Focus on your job _.

The voice comes suddenly, surprising him so that he flinches, and Jihoon looks up at him. “Sorry, too tight?”

“Er, just a bit,” Soonyoung lies. He smiles awkwardly and waits another moment, in case he hears it again, and when nobody speaks, he thinks back - _ what do you think I’m doing? _

Jeonghan’s voice is distorted, kind of echoing. Joshua told him that people with empty heads hear voices like that, because there’s nothing but bare walls to bounce off. 

_ I know you, Soonyoung, I see that look in your eyes. _ Soonyoung frowns.

_ Stop watching me. I know what I’m doing._ That’s a lie, actually, but he’d rather act like he’s in control than have Jeonghan supervise everything he does on a microscopic level. He doesn’t get any sort of response back, but he can imagine the look on the elder’s face, his knit eyebrows, soft frown. Soonyoung sighs inwardly.

_ I haven’t been on Earth for more than a few hours, and you’re already trying to pull strings. You said you believed in me. _

Again, no answer. Soonyoung isn’t sure if Jeonghan’s trying to annoy him, or if he’s just too lazy to project his voice any more. Probably the latter.

“Thanks again,” Soonyoung says after a few more minutes. He slides off the stool and flexes his fingers, feeling the material pull against the skin of his palm. “It must be weird, we’re total strangers and I’ve already seen the inside of your house.”

Jihoon smiles, just a little. It’s something small and soft, and it gives Soonyoung the kind of feeling he gets when he looks at children, or animals. Like he wants to hold it carefully and make sure nothing bad ever happens to it.

Without thinking, he mumbles, “You have a nice smile,” and Jihoon’s eyes start to crinkle.

“I do? No one’s ever told me that … thanks.” He starts packing things back into the bag, but the smile stays. “And don’t worry about it - I mean, I did say we’d probably be seeing each other around, right? Now I just need to actually know your name.”

“Yeah,” Soonyoung sighs. He folds his hands together and starts glancing around the room again, not knowing what to do with himself, until he notices Jihoon peering at him. “What? Oh, right - “ _ duh _“ - I’m Soonyoung.” He holds his hand out for a handshake, and Jihoon’s touch is warm.

“Nice to meet you, Soonyoung. I’m Jihoon.”

There’s a thing, just then - Soonyoung can feel it. A subtle, barely noticeable buzz in the air around them; just another way in which Soonyoung believes the universe is trying to speak to him sometimes, but he’s too distracted by the way Jihoon’s hand lingers against his to think too much about it.

“Yeah,” he says, and it comes out like a breath, “nice to meet you too.”

**—**

He leaves Jihoon’s apartment with a small wave and an “I’ll see you around,” and he thinks it’s all fine and good, until he hears it again.

_ Stupid idiot. _

“Oh, Jesus, what did I do?” Soonyoung lets out, not caring now that he’s on his own.

_ You’re supposed to help him find love, not fall in love with him. _

Soonyoung splutters, gaping up into the sky like he expects to see Jeonghan staring back down. “What was I supposed to say? _ Hi, I know this is the first time we’ve ever met and you don’t know anything about me, but tell me about your crush _ \- I don’t know how you go about your jobs, Jeonghan, but that’s not how you talk to people.” There’s a pause, and then he adds, “And I do _ not _ have a thing for him. I barely know the guy.”

_ Alright, fine, I see your point - but I saw you back there, and I know you, Soonyoung. Don’t be dumb about this. _

“What the hell do you think I’m gonna do, start flirting? I’m not clueless. I know I can’t do that.”

_ Good. Remember it, in case anything changes. You know we can’t have that. _

Soonyoung wants to glare, kick at the pavement and tell Jeonghan he’s overthinking this - _ you can’t fall in love with someone you’ve just met _ \- but those last few words just make him feel … sad, mostly. _ You know we can’t have that._

“Right,” he mutters, and it doesn’t matter how quiet he gets because he knows he’ll be heard. “I know that. I wouldn’t do that to myself.”

_ Good, now get home, you have to rest before work tomorrow. _

“Wait, what the fuck, I’m actually working?”

_ Obviously. You have to, like, interact with the target. You know how this works. _

“Yeah, but I didn’t think you’d actually get me a job anywhere. What if I screw it up?”

_ You know how to dance, don’t you? _

“Yes.”

_ Choreograph? _

“I could probably figure it out.”

_ Then you’re set. Good luck, angel boy. _

Soonyoung frowns at the nickname, even opens his mouth to respond, tell him to not call him that, but then he notices a woman a little ways away stepping out of her car. She’s looking at Soonyoung out of the corner of her eye and fumbling with her keys nervously, and it’s then that he realizes he’s been animatedly talking to himself for the last ten minutes. He tries to smile and wave at her, even holds his hand up to his ear to make it look like he’s on a phone call, but the woman doesn’t look any more reassured.

_ Go home,_ Jeonghan says again, and Soonyoung scowls.

_ You’re an asshole._

_ Thanks, I try. _

And it’s annoying, sure, but Soonyoung knows he’s secretly grateful for the familiar voice popping into his head every now and then. Does it scare the shit out of him sometimes? Yes, but it’s also saved him more times than he can count on both hands.

So he sighs, rolls his eyes and thinks, for just a moment, that he can see Jeonghan grinning at him from behind the clouds. _ What would I do without you? _ he asks, and there isn’t any response, but that’s okay. He can feel the warmth inside him anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhhkay so. this feels messy
> 
> not sure what it is that's throwing me off about this chapter, but i hope it's just me!! and that you like it anyway !!! my mood lately has been real weird and it was kind of hard working up the motivation to write this, but i reallyy wanted to get it done so i hope it turned out alright ;((
> 
> i also don't know a thing about working as a choreographer or for an idol company, so a lot of what i write about that will be research-based and not experience-based - which i hope is okay !!! pls let me know in the comments if i mess something up so i can go back and fix it (but also pls be gentle i'm sensitive and trying my best dkjdfjd)

°

**SOONYOUNG KNOWS A ** thing or two about dancing - when they’re young, they have to learn set skills as part of their training (something about being more cultured?) and while some choose singing, playing an instrument, painting,  _ whatever _ , Soonyoung chose dancing. He doesn’t like to brag, but he’s kind of really good at it.

So working at Pledis isn’t stressing him out  _ too _ much. He knows he can dance, he knows he can figure out choreography with the help of the other staff - but he’s terrified that he might be a shitty teacher. If there’s one thing he’s learned throughout his way-too-long lifespan, it’s that humans can be fucking  _ mean _ sometimes. And, you know. He’s sensitive.

“Nervous?” Jihoon asks him. They’re walking together to the bus stop to get to work, and Soonyoung keeps wiping his palms against his pants. “You seem nervous.”

“I do? Nah, I’m just … I mean, yeah. I’m kind of nervous.”

Jihoon smiles nudging him with his elbow. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, I promise. Everyone there is really nice. The CEO is kind of a knucklehead, but we don’t have to talk to him directly very often, anyway.”

“What if I’m, like, bad at my job?” Jihoon laughs.

“You won’t be. I’ve never seen you dance, but I seriously doubt you would’ve gotten hired on if you weren’t a solid match for what the company wanted.”

If this were a normal situation, Soonyoung would be comforted to hear that, but this isn’t. He knows that whoever’s job it was managed to manipulate a few important people and get Soonyoung the job without any actual qualification needed - he’s just hoping the same people who made that possible can also keep him from getting fired.

The bus ride is relaxing, though. If he just focuses on Jihoon’s voice and takes in what he’s saying, he can block out the more anxious part of his brain. Jihoon tells him about his coworkers, rattles off a bunch of names Soonyoung’s probably not going to remember, says it’s not too difficult of a job if you know what you’re doing.

“So, what exactly do you do?” Soonyoung asks like he doesn’t already know.

“Oh, I’m a producer. Nothing big, I just made it to the company a few months ago. I’m still working my way up.”

“But you must be really good, right? You’re still really young - I mean, you look young,” Soonyoung corrects himself. Jihoon blushes a little.

“Er, twenty-three. I guess so, most of the people I work with directly are a little older, but if you’re really passionate about something then you naturally improve faster and faster. I love what I do, which is what makes me, uh, good. I guess.”

Soonyoung smiles softly. He thinks it’s endearing how flustered Jihoon gets at compliments, and he’s impressed, too. “You should show me some of your stuff, sometime.”

“If I get to sit in on one of your dance practices, sure.”

Soonyoung nods in a silent promise, and then immediately regrets it because - again - he might just embarrass himself completely. Jihoon looks content, though, sighing a little and settling into himself with a small smile playing on his face. Soonyoung feels nice, seeing it.

––

That nice feeling lasts for the rest of the bus ride, and even throughout the walk from the bus stop to the building, but it doesn’t take long for that familiar anxiety to replace it the second they get inside.

“What you’ll wanna do is tell the front desk this is your first day, they’ll point you to where you need to go. Alright, I’ll see you later - “

“Wait,” Soonyoung catches him before he can get away, “where are you going?”

“Uh, to work, remember?” Jihoon’s eyes seem to twinkle, amused. “That’s why I came all the way here, isn’t it? This is my job.”

“Oh. Right.”

Soonyoung feels dumb, but overwhelmed more than anything. Up until now, Jihoon was his safety net, his tie to this new world Soonyoung’s found himself in - without him, Soonyoung’s got no idea what he’s doing. He’s half hoping Jeonghan will pop into his head to give him some advice, but no such thing happens.

Instead, he follows the receptionist’s directions - second floor, down the hall, first room to the left - and finds himself in an empty sort of gym. A practice room, more like. And it’s not  _ totally _ empty, either, he realizes; Soonyoung spots two guys in the far corner of the room, stooped over and either rifling through their bags or unscrewing the lids to their water bottles. Soonyoung has to cough awkwardly after a few seconds for them to notice he’s even there.

“Oh, hey! Are you Soonyoung? They said we’d be getting another choreographer sometime this week.”

Soonyoung doesn’t answer the question, but offers up a feeble, “They?” The guy laughs.

“Yeah, they. Like, the higher-ups, you know?” He’s got sleek black hair trimmed in a short mullet, a pair of colored lenses resting on the bridge of his nose. He strides over and reaches out to shake Soonyoung’s hand.

“I’m Minghao, and that’s Jun - “ Soonyoung makes eye contact with the other, still on the other side of the room with his mouth full of water, and gives him a small wave. “I guess we’re gonna be working together.”

“We will?”

Jun joins them at Minghao’s side, nodding.

“Yeah. I mean, not always, but given the overall planning time and dance practices, we’ll probably be hanging around each other a lot. Plus - “

Just then, Soonyoung hears a loud slam, like someone flinging open the door behind him. He whips around and sees someone, a younger kid, panting heavily with his hand resting on the side of the door frame. “I’m sorry,” he breathes, “my alarm went off late, but I tried to get here as quickly as - wait, why’s the room empty? Oh, fuck. Is it Tuesday?”

Minghao cracks a grin and Jun nods his head towards the kid, continuing, “Plus, we have an intern working here for the next few weeks. He doesn’t usually do Tuesdays, but he gets mixed up sometimes.”

“I  _ swear _ I thought it was Wednesday.”

“If you’re really dying to see us, you can just text and make plans,” Minghao jokes. “This is Soonyoung, by the way. Soonyoung, Chan.” Chan takes a second to catch his breath, before shooting Soonyoung a thumbs-up and a smile so bright it could blind him. 

Soonyoung has to take it all in for a moment, soak up everything he’s been given in the last five minutes. Minghao gives him a look like understanding, and says, “Is it a lot? Sorry, it’ll get easier as the day progresses. Have you met anyone else so far?”

“Not really - actually, er, Jihoon. He’s my neighbour.”

“Aw, man, I love Jihoon. He’s great, isn’t he?” Soonyoung agrees, almost wants to say something, but Chan goes on, “He’s, like, crazy talented, too. A lot of the routines we do are for songs he’s made.”

“Which, speaking of routines - “ Minghao steps closer to Soonyoung and puts an arm around his shoulders, holding him together before he can fall apart. “What we do can variate. Sometimes, one - or all - of us will be asked to write and implement a new routine for a new single. Other times, we’re just acting as on-staff dance coaches. And a schedule for you will be worked out to balance between currently promoting teams and trainees - for now, they’ll probably just stick you with trainees. At least until you warm up to how everything works here.”

Soonyoung racks his brain for any memory of his old dance classes, trying to give himself a crash course on teaching. Dancing, he knows he can do. He doesn’t even see himself struggling with writing a decent choreo. It’s just  _ teaching _ that he’s never done before. He thinks,  _ why would you sign me up for this?  _ and hopes Jeonghan will get it.

But he has to make it work, he doesn’t have a choice, and Minghao talks to him like he’s got the utmost faith in him. Fake it ‘till he makes it, right? He might not be confident, but he’ll just have to act like he is.

––

“I don’t think I can do this,” Soonyoung tells Jihoon - well, sort of talking to Jihoon, sort of talking to himself, and also maybe Jeonghan. Again. He’s not sure what he’s expecting.

“Mm,” Jihoon hums, clicking around, “you definitely can.” His face is lit up by the screen in front of him, and Soonyoung’s tempted to reach out and flip the lightswitch on, but he doesn’t think it’s his place. He had to ask for directions to Jihoon’s studio, and it’s his first time inside.

“You’re sure I’m not in the way or anything, right?”

“No, no, of course not.” Jihoon slides his headphones all the way off and finally looks up at him, and Soonyoung squirms. Something about the look in his eyes, kind and gazing from below - it makes his stomach turn. “Go ahead, sit down. How’s your day been so far?”

“It’s actually been fine, Minghao and Jun, and - and Chan - they’re all really nice, but I’m just. I dunno. Kind of hopeless.”

“In what way?”

“What?”

“Hopeless, like, how? What are you so hopeless at?”

Soonyoung lets himself fall onto the sofa, sinking into the cushions while Jihoon spins his chair around to face him. “I don’t know,” he groans. “Everything. I know we only met yesterday, but it won’t take you long to realize I’m pretty bad at everything I do.”

“Come on, you’re being too hard on yourself.”

“Nuh-uh, I’m being real. Minghao and Jun let me watch one of their dance practices, just to see what it’s like, and - I mean, it didn’t look  _ hard _ , it’s just that I don’t trust myself to do it right. I’ll probably screw up the moves, or explain something the wrong way.”

“Soonyoung, let me ask you something.”

“Yeah?”

“You can dance, right?”

“Uh. Yeah.”

“You’re good at it?”

“Yeah.” He is, honestly.

“Then you’re going to be just fine.”

Jihoon looks like he means it, like he’s looking right into Soonyoung’s heart and reading everything about him in a single stare, and he really, truly believes it. “You’re going to be fine. Honest. We might not know each other that well yet, but I can feel this. You’re going to be great. I can see this very clearly.”

_ You’re making me like you too much  _ \- Soonyoung almost says it. There’s a very sudden rush in his heart, and it almost makes him sick. Jihoon should really try being less nice to him, because he’s got a feeling it won’t go too well for either of them if he doesn’t. Getting attached and making friends is never the smartest move when you know you’ll have to leave them in a few weeks’ time.

Before he gets the chance to say anything at all, though, he hears a knock at the door, and both his and Jihoon’s heads turn to see who it is peeking inside.

“Oh, hey. Sorry. Are you busy?” The guy asking has big, doe eyes peering at Soonyoung, and they’re almost off-putting. Jihoon stops aimlessly spinning in his chair.

“No,” he says, kind of fast, and then he glances at Soonyoung. “I mean, yes, but no, not really - er, this is Soonyoung.” Soonyoung’s looking at Jihoon curiously, wondering why he's gotten all jumpy suddenly, but when the other steps further into the room and smiles wide, he gets it.

“Hi Soonyoung, I’m Seungcheol.”

Seungcheol. Right. Soonyoung almost forgot why he even came here.

“I won’t stay too long, don’t want to interrupt, but - “

“You’re not interrupting,” Jihoon cuts in - ironically - and Seungcheol giggles. “You can stay, if you want.”

“No, no, it’s alright. I told Mingyu I’d get back to him, I just wanted to hand you back the copies.

“Annotated?”

“Barely. Your lyrics are good enough that there isn’t much anyone would want to fix.”

Soonyoung is watching the whole conversation unfold in front of him, eyes flickering back and forth like it’s a tennis match. Jihoon flushes at the compliment, and while it’s dark enough in the room to not be noticeable, Soonyoung picks up on it easily. He’s burning up to his ears.

“Not true,” he mumbles, and Seungcheol rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, whatever, modest. I’ll catch you later?”

“For sure.”

Seungcheol gives Soonyoung a short wave before closing the door behind him, and the room goes quiet. Jihoon thumbs the papers in his hands, rustling them a bit and staring blankly at the door. Soonyoung clears his throat, snapping him out of his daze.

“So, um. He seems nice.”

“Seungcheol? Oh, yeah. He is. He’s really nice.”

“So, what, you got a thing for him or something?” Soonyoung asks and immediately cringes at how not-subtle he’s being. Jihoon barks out an awkward laugh; his face seems to crinkle, trying to balance amusement and horror at the same time.

“What? No, I - I mean, no. Definitely not. What makes you ask?”

“You were acting kinda weird, just then.”

“I was?”

“A little bit.”

“ … Was it noticeable?”

Soonyoung isn’t entirely sure how to answer, but he feels bad looking at how panicked the boy gets, so he says, “No, not to him, probably. I just picked up on it.”

“Oh, okay.”

The ensuing silence is uncomfortable, and Soonyoung almost wishes he’d never said anything, but he really just wants to get this over with. Get Jihoon with Seungcheol. Get out. Go home. Sleep for the next ten years. Even if Jihoon  _ is _ a really cute, sweet boy, with a penchant for making Soonyoung’s palms a little sweaty - it doesn’t mean a thing.

He feels like he should say something, but Jihoon beats him to it.

“Seungcheol, he just … ah, he’s just …  _ really _ great. That’s all.”

“That’s all?” It doesn’t sound like that’s all - with the way Jihoon’s eyes go distant and starry, how is voice softens, there’s definitely more.

“Yeah … Yeah. Like, he’s just, he’s  _ great _ . He has one of the best hearts I’ve ever seen in a person. He’s so caring, I swear to God, the most selfless person you’ll meet. He just loves everyone so much. And he’s funny, too, and talented, and endearing, and - and, yeah.”

Soonyoung smiles. “And … he’s great?”

“Yeah, he is.”

And then his smile slips a little. Jihoon is cute like this. He thinks Seungcheol is lucky.

“Well, for what it’s worth, he probably thinks the same about you.” Jihoon shakes his head fervently.

“Oh, oh no, I’m sure he doesn’t. We’ve been best friends for so long - I doubt he could see us as anything else.”

“Well, that doesn’t make sense - if that were true, why can you?”

This earns him a long pause. Jihoon thinks, chewing his lip, and Soonyoung watches the minutes on the corner of his screen behind him. They tick one, two, before Jihoon simply says, “It’s different.”

He’s about to ask  _ why _ , why is it different, but his stomach interrupts him with a rumble, and Jihoon snickers. “You know what,” Soonyoung stands, “we can discuss this over lunch.”

“Do we have to discuss this?”

“Yes! Tell me all about this guy - I wanna know more about why you like him so much. And it’s cute, you’re cute - “ Jihoon blushes “ - but I’m starving, so let’s go.”

Jihoon groans as he pushes himself up, but Soonyoung thinks - and he’s sure it isn’t just wishful - he thinks that he can see a little bit of a smile in his eyes. It makes his heart warm.

––

“So, how long have you liked him?”

Jihoon took them to a cafe down the street, and Soonyoung holds his sandwich between his hands in what is probably a too-tight grip, determined.

“Why do you care so much?”

Soonyoung starts slowly, building up the lie as he goes and trying to sound convincingly hesitant. “Listen, I’m actually … Well, it sounds a little childish, but I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic. I really like these sorts of things.”

“Huh, really?”

“Yeah,” Soonyoung pretends to be embarrassed. “I just think it’s sweet, seeing two people fall for each other.”

“What are you, some kind of matchmaker?”

“Er, something like that.”

Jihoon puffs out a laugh, resting his cheek in his hand. “If you’re trying to set me up with Seungcheol, I’m telling you right now, don’t waste your time. It’s not going anywhere.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“I can feel it.” It’s the second time today Jihoon has said that, and Soonyoung’s beginning to wonder how accurate his gut feeling really is. “I’m perfectly fine dealing with my feelings on my own, anyway.” Soonyoung scoffs.

“No you’re not. Nobody is, in these situations. If you’re feeling for someone, you want it to be reciprocated. That’s just natural.”

“Not for me, I’m fine.”

Soonyoung chews his food silently, watching Jihoon across the table. He’s looking out the window next to them, at all the people passing by, either totally oblivious to Soonyoung’s gaze or uncaring. He does a good job of looking as unaffected as he says he is, but Soonyoung knows it’s bullshit - after the way he acted back in the studio, it has to be.

“Hmm, I think you’re lying,” he says, and Jihoon looks at him, wide-eyed.

“Well,” he stammers, “that - that’s your problem. You can think whatever you like. Anyway, what about you? If you’re such a romantic, what’s  _ your _ love life like?”

“Hah, nonexistent. Loving love doesn’t necessarily mean I’m good at finding it.”

“Come on, there’s gotta be  _ something _ .” Soonyoung shrugs.

“Not really. I’ve never met someone like that. Like - Like what you did earlier, crying about how awesome you think Seungcheol is - “

“ - I was not  _ crying _ -

“ - I’ve never met someone who’s made me feel that way.” Jihoon looks surprised, but Soonyoung isn’t lying, this time. He’s really never been in love. “Which is for the best,” he adds, “probably. I don’t think it would turn out well for me.”

“You can’t be so sure about that.”

Soonyoung’s smile feels plastic, tense, because he  _ is _ sure. He could fall in love with every person he meets, with the force of his whole heart, and he’d never be able to do a thing about it. He’s better off avoiding the feeling entirely, if he can.

“Listen, I’m happy seeing other people find love.  _ You _ can’t be so sure that Seungcheol doesn’t like you back, how about that?”

For once, Jihoon doesn’t get flustered at the mention of his name. He just watches Soonyoung with a look full of something Soonyoung can’t figure out. After a while, he says, “Love can drive people nuts - think, one person with enough power to make someone else go crazy with affection, always second-guessing themselves. Nuts. Maybe you  _ are _ better off without it.

“But then, when you think about it,” he adds, “it’s what keeps the world spinning. So. Consider that.”

And he will, Soonyoung already knows. He will consider that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello !!!! just a quick note, i tried doing a little indent thingy with jeonghan's dialogue (?) bits, so it's easier to differentiate him from soonyoung or other emphasized texts. i hope it's better !! also, fun fact, “confidence is key, fake it ‘till you make it” is something my friend told me when i was complaining about my social anxiety. so. there’s a motto for u guys !

°

**THE BLANK SILENCE ** interrupts him; laying in the dark, trying to sleep, Soonyoung’s eyes fly open and his whole body turns to attention. He listens hard to the nothingness, the way the radiator at the back of the room has stopped buzzing, the way he can’t hear the wind blowing outside his window anymore - he waits, waits for it, and then - 

> _ Good first day? _

Soonyoung hesitates, the dumber part of his brain worried that there might be another random lady in his bedroom who can hear him talking to himself, but when he’s sure that he’s alone, he says, “What made you think I could do this?”

> _ God, you’re such a pessimistic pain in the ass. Can you stop underestimating yourself? _

“Can  _ you _ just leave me alone? Why are you here now? Where were you earlier, when I was actually trying to reach out to you?” He takes the pillow and holds it around his head, pressing it against his ears like it might block out Jeonghan’s voice. Which is pointless, because Jeonghan’s voice is inside his head.

> _ I can’t always be there to hold your hand, Soonyoung. I have my own responsibilities to take care of, and you’ve been through this process a hundred times before. You don’t need my help. _

_ But I do _ , Soonyoung wants to say, because he feels helpless, because he can never trust himself enough. It’s such an exhausting way to feel.

There’s a blank space of quiet, and Soonyoung starts to wonder if maybe Jeonghan’s done talking for the night, but the world outside is still totally silent, so he waits. Eventually, he hears him.

> _ Have you ever considered that maybe the reason you fail so many of your missions is that you let it happen? You have no faith in yourself, you’re prepared to do bad. It’s hard to succeed when you’re constantly pushing that mentality against yourself. _

“I’m not good at thinking any other way.”

> _ Just pretend. Act like you’re in a movie, like this is a part of the lie, and do it well - if you treat confidence like it’s a part of your character, you’ll start to believe it. _

“ … Yeah. I guess you’re right.” He pauses, and then, “Thanks, Jeonghan.”

> _ ‘Course. You’re still my favorite Cupid, no matter what. I want you to do well. _

Soonyoung can’t help feeling a little undeserving. Jeonghan’s right, he’s done this enough times to be able to hold his own, but for some reason he just can’t. His nerves always mess him up.

He remembers why he got placed as Cupid, though. He remembers having that passion for affection, for fondness; his heart would light up at the idea of soulmates, it would light up at the idea of two people finding themselves in each other and falling in love for life. He remembers wanting that happiness for everyone, and he still does. That’s why he has this job. It wasn’t skill, but it was passion. And he doesn’t want to lose it.

“I’m gonna try,” he whispers up to the ceiling. “I want this.”  _ Confidence is key, fake it ‘till you make it _ . There, that’s a motto.

> _ Good. I believe in you. _

He doesn’t feel the need to say thank you again, and there’s probably enough appreciation radiating from his core to reach the sky, anyway, so he lets himself fall quiet until the regular buzzing of the radiator starts up again. The rest of the night feels easy on his shoulders.

––

Soonyoung tries hard to settle in quickly, using Jeonghan’s advice, remembering what he told himself just the other day. He shows up at the practice room and gives Minghao and Jun the brightest grin he has, and Chan tells him he has a nice smile, and he tells himself that this is his new life. Forget everything else.

Which, it works. Minghao runs him through the routine for the day and he gets the hang of it pretty easily, and he can feel his body moving like it was made for this. He starts to fall in line with the others; Minghao is cool and easygoing, and he doesn’t talk much but when he does, he says the most interesting things. Jun makes him laugh so hard his lungs might split, and Chan - Chan is endearing, crazy talented and kind, soft-hearted. Soonyoung feels himself melting between the three of them.

And Jihoon, God, Jihoon. They spend their lunch together again, and he does that thing that makes Soonyoung’s heart feel calm. Something about him is reassuring.

“I told you that you’d get the hang of it,” he tells him, and Soonyoung rolls his eyes.

“This is only day two.”

“And you’re already fitting in great! Minghao told me he likes you a lot.”

“He did?”

Jihoon nods, shutting his eyes and smiling in a way that sort of makes him look like a cat. “Mm-hmm, he said you’re a quick learner, and funny, and your energy is good. It keeps the others going.”

“He said that?”

“I wouldn’t be making this up, would I?” Jihoon gives him a look, and Soonyoung almost wants to reach out and pet his head, he’s so sweet.

“You don’t mind me sticking with you these last few days, do you? Lunches and all?”

Jihoon pauses, mid-sip of his coffee, and squints at him. He hums something that sounds like  _ what do you mean _ , and Soonyoung clarifies, “Like, I know you have a routine, probably, and I’m new and all, and I - I just don’t want to be getting in the way.”

“You’re really not, I promise.”

“Really? Because I know you’re, like, best friends with Seungcheol, and I’d get it if you’d rather hang out with him during your breaks - “

“What makes you think I’m best friends with Seungcheol?” Jihoon looks at him curiously, and Soonyoung wants to hit himself - of  _ course _ he’s not supposed to know that yet. Jihoon never told him.

“I - I mean, I just got that vibe,” he bullshits. “I shouldn’t have assumed, sorry.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I mean, he  _ is _ my best friend. Guess your gut was right.” Soonyoung breathes a sigh of relief, internally cheering on Jihoon for being so trusting. “But seriously,” he continues, “don’t worry about it. Cheol’s been busy these last few days, and like you said, it’s only day two that you’ve been here. You’ll see him more and more once he has the time.”

“Oh, okay. Cool.”

Jihoon quirks his brow, eyeing him. “But you won’t be weird about it when he does, right?”

“Weird, how?”

“Weird, like. Your whole thing with - with, you know.”

“Oh, that?” Soonyoung waves him off, going  _ pshh _ . “Please, I’m not gonna  _ embarrass _ you. The whole thing about matchmaking is being subtle, effective - “  _ two things you’re not good at, Soonyoung _ “ - so I wouldn’t do anything to expose you.”

“Just don’t do anything at all, maybe?”

“Nope, not an option,” Soonyoung grins. This feels comfortable - the casualness, the slight undertone of joking underneath what they’re saying. One of Soonyoung’s favorite things about these missions is getting to branch out and meet new people, actually making friends. He loves Jeonghan and Joshua a ton, obviously, but they’re his only close friends back home. Sometimes, it’s nice to just sit down and be a normal person, with other normal people. Friendly.

“Thanks for putting up with me,” he blurts, and Jihoon takes a minute to process it before he breaks out in a smile.

“You say that like you’re actually hard to put up with.”

“Well, I know - “

“Yeah, yeah - you’re new, I have a routine, blah blah blah. How do you think friendships are made, Soonyoung? You meet someone new, figure out you like them, and spend time with them. If I didn’t want to be around you, you’d probably know by now.”

He sounds so sincere, Soonyoung can’t help melting a little right then and there, touched.

“Okay, well … thank you. I really do appreciate you taking the time to help me out with everything.”

“It’s nothing,” Jihoon shrugs. “You’re nice to be around.”

Jihoon’s bangs are starting to get a little overgrown, Soonyoung notices, and he’s half-tempted to reach out and push them out of his eyes. He just sighs and relaxes his shoulders a little - he hadn’t realized how tense he was.

“Okay,” he smiles, folding his hands in his lap. “Yeah. You’re nice to be around, too.”

––

The next time he sees Seungcheol isn’t at work, actually - Soonyoung asked, and apparently he works in marketing, so they hardly ever cross paths during the day - but it’s in the parking lot by his building. Seungcheol spots him first and greets him enthusiastically, and Soonyoung has to dig up his patience to go over and make smalltalk. He actually thinks Seungcheol is a really nice guy, but he’s not used to a full day of work and it’s beginning to take a toll on his overall mood by the time he gets home. 

“Hey, you - uh, you’re here for Jihoon, I’m assuming?” Seungcheol doesn’t look flustered, just comfortable. He’s got the kind of smile that leaves crinkles at the corners of his eyes, and Soonyoung thinks that’s the sort of thing that would make Jihoon blush.

“I am,” he says. “We’ve both been pretty busy, so it’s been a while since we’ve gotten to spend time together.”

“Aw, nice. I hope you guys have fun.”

Soonyoung’s ready to leave it at that, and Seungcheol seems like it, too; Soonyoung turns to start heading in the other direction again, but then he has another idea.

“Actually,” he says, and Seungcheol stops to look at him again. “I was wondering - and I know I’m being nosy, I’m sorry, but I’m just curious - are you and Jihoon, like - a thing?” He crosses his fingers behind him, hoping this works the way he wants it to. Seungcheol doesn’t even look embarrassed, he just looks confused.

“A thing?” he repeats. “Like, dating? God, no, what made you think that?”

“Ah, well, you two just seem so close, and I couldn’t tell if maybe you’re just really good friends or - “ Seungcheol laughs suddenly, and Soonyoung stops.

“I guess I can see where you got the idea, but no, sorry to tell you. We’re just really good friends.”

“Oh, okay. Um. Why?”

“Why?”

“Yeah, like. Why.” Seungcheol is looking more and more lost by the minute, and Soonyoung rushes to clarify. “What I mean is, Jihoon is - he’s, uh, to be frank, very datable.” For a second, he isn’t sure if he wants to facepalm or laugh at himself.

Seungcheol squints at him. “Datable.”

“Uh-huh.”

“What do you mean?”

“ … I mean - and, yeah, okay, I don’t know him  _ that _ well yet - but I feel like he’s just a  _ really good _ guy. Today, we had pizza for lunch, and he ate all the mushrooms for me when I told him I didn’t like them.”

“You want me to date Jihoon because … he’ll eat the mushrooms off my pizza? I actually like mushrooms.”

Soonyoung sighs, growing exasperated. “No, you’re missing the point - forget the mushrooms, yeah? What I mean is, he’s the  _ type _ of guy to do stuff like that. And he’s smart, interesting. Funny, too.”

“Are you sure  _ you _ don’t have a thing for him?” Soonyoung wants to wipe the smirk off Seungcheol’s face, then. This isn’t going the way he wanted to, but he’s honestly not sure why he thought it would.

“I am a hundred and ten percent sure I don’t,” he says flatly, “but I think you two would be cute, happy with each other. I could feel it in my bones the first day I saw you two together.”

“So now you’ve made it some sort of mission to make this happen?”

“In a way, yes.”

He realizes he’s being annoying, but Seungcheol doesn’t even seem annoyed; every now and then, he’ll purse his lips, like he’s about to laugh but trying really hard not to. He clears his throat. “I see what you’re saying, but I just don’t feel that way for him.”

“At all?”

“Not really. But you’re right, Jihoon  _ is _ a really good guy. Whoever he ends up with is lucky.”

“Damn.”

Seungcheol snickers, reaching out to clap him on the shoulder. “You’re funny, Soonyoung, you know that?”

“I’ve been told I’m a clown, yeah.”

“No,” Seungcheol laughs, “that’s not what I mean. I like you, for real, we should hang out sometime.”

“Only if Jihoon is there, and only if I get to third wheel.” Soonyoung says it more as a joke than anything, and Seungcheol’s face seems to open up when he laughs again, harder.

“Alright, I should go, but it was nice chatting! See you tomorrow, maybe.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Soonyoung agrees, watching him jog to the front of Jihoon’s building and let himself in. He sighs inwardly. That whole interaction was like watching a hurricane happen on TV, except he was both the hurricane and the town getting wrecked, too.

At least he can’t say he didn’t try.

––

“You are such an asshole.”

That’s the first thing Jihoon tells him upon entering the practice room, immediately reddening around his ears when he realizes Jun is in there, too. Soonyoung’s ready to ask if they should talk outside, but Jun says, “No worries, I’m leaving, anyway.” He eyes them curiously on his way out.

“Sorry, I thought you were alone.”

“I’m literally never alone.”

“Don’t be weird, you jerk.”

“What did I do?”

Jihoon, Soonyoung notices, is actually kind of intimidating when he’s upset. Given his stature and the simple fact that he’s so nice when he  _ isn’t _ pissed, Soonyoung wouldn’t have expected it, but Jihoon’s got one hand fidgeting with the material of his sweatpants and the other clenched in a fist, and his frown is deep enough to make Soonyoung feel guilty for something he doesn’t know he did.

“The - The thing,” he stammers, “with Seungcheol last night. He told me you met in the parking lot.”

“Oh - what, that? That’s what you’re pissed about?”

Jihoon hesitates. He opens his mouth, closes it again, and then slowly lets the tension melt out of his arms. “No,” he sighs, “I’m not pissed. Just, miffed.”

“It’s okay if you’re angry. I’d understand.”

“I don’t think you can make me angry, but I’m annoyed.”

“Did he tell you everything?”

“Yeah, and I had to act like it was ridiculous and I had no idea what you were on about. Do you know how difficult that was? I thought I was going to pass out. Or combust. Or pass out and  _ then _ combust. He was all like, ‘Yeah, I told him no way would we ever be dating,’ and I was like, “Right, haha.  _ No way _ .’”

Soonyoung flinches, feeling the sting of it. Seungcheol practically flat-out said Jihoon doesn’t have a chance with him.

“Silver linings,” he says, trying to spin it, “now that you know exactly how he feels, you can stop wondering, and start doing.”

“Doing what?”

“Making him fall in love with you, duh.” Jihoon looks at him like he’s talking out of his ass, and Soonyoung says he’s hungry and they should talk about this somewhere else, because he’s pretty sure Jun has his ear pressed up against the door trying to eavesdrop.

(This is confirmed when they leave the room to go to the company cafe.(

Soonyoung quite likes the routine they’ve started to build. They meet every morning outside Jihoon’s building at the same time, walk to the bus stop and spend the ride together, go their separate ways to do their jobs, and meet back up for lunch to talk about the day so far. A routine which came easy for them both. It’ll be hard to give it up.

Soonyoung’s affectionate by nature, but he’s not sure he’s ever been so worried about leaving a mission behind like this.

“Are you listening?” Jihoon points his fork at him, pulling Soonyoung out of his thoughts.

“Er, sorry, I zoned out. What were you saying?”

“Seungcheol isn’t going to fall in love with me. I know you’ve got some, like, greater belief in destiny and fate, but things don’t always go the way we want them too. I accepted that a while ago.”

Soonyoung wants to comfort him, but there’s nothing he can say that he hasn’t already, so he just flicks some of the frosting on his hot chocolate across the table. Jihoon’s face scrunches up instinctively when it lands on his cheek.

“What was that for?”

“You’re being a huge downer,” Soonyoung says, taking it upon himself to wipe the small patch of white off his face. “Let’s talk about something else, yeah?”

Jihoon goes quiet, nodding a little, and Soonyoung watches the worry lines smooth out across his forehead. Neither one of them says anything for a while, until Jihoon moves to grab Soonyoung’s hand, flipping it over so it’s palm-up.

And no, Soonyoung absolutely does  _ not _ have an involuntary reaction to the feeling of Jihoon’s hand on his. Doesn’t startle, doesn’t hiccup, none of that (except, maybe - just maybe - there’s a single, small butterfly beating against his ribcage, but that’s  _ it _ ).

“You still have the bandages?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I keep forgetting to take them off.”

“It’s been a few days. Do they still hurt?”

“Nah.” They don’t, honestly. Soonyoung forgets they’re there at all, most of the time.

Jihoon lets his fingers skim over the rough fabric of the bandage for a moment or two, just gazing, and Soonyoung laughs a little.

“I still feel bad thinking about that first day we met. It wasn’t exactly the most graceful way to introduce myself.”

“Don’t feel bad, it was cute.”

“Cute?”

“Yeah. Like a kicked puppy I found on the side of the street, decided to take home and patch up - “

Soonyoung scoffs and moves his hand away, rolling his eyes at the way Jihoon snickers. “How are we friends?” he asks.

“Like I said, kicked puppy -  _ ow _ .” Soonyoung kicks him from under the table, but he can’t hold the smile off his face when Jihoon cracks up some more. He reaches down to rub his ankle and groans, “I’m kidding. We’re friends because you’re super cool and make me laugh. How’s that?”

Soonyoung pretends to think. “Hm. A little better.”

For half a second, Soonyoung forgets all about Seungcheol. He almost forgets why he’s even here. He’s just happy to have a friend at his side, one like Jihoon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a bit shorter than normal but it's been 2 weeks and i just. really wanted to get this posted lol
> 
> i hope it's okay !!! <3<3

°

**“WHAT ARE YOU** doing?” It takes a while to reach him, Soonyoung thinks. Like the air between the two of them is thick, slowing down Jihoon’s words. Soonyoung looks down, past the metal bars in front of him, where Jihoon stands in the parking lot.

“What are  _ you _ doing?” he calls back.

“I asked you first.”

“I’m just sitting here.”

“Why?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

Jihoon is quiet for a while after that. He doesn’t move, except for the breeze tugging on his sweater, and Soonyoung is content just watching it. His hands feel cool wrapped around the metal fencing on his balcony, his legs swaying where they hang off the edge of it. He lets his head fall forward and rest against the bars.

Finally, Jihoon says, “Me neither. I was gonna go for a drive.”

“Where?”

“I dunno. Grocery store, maybe. Buy some cereal for breakfast. Or for now. I’m kind of hungry.”

“I have cereal.”

He wants to invite Jihoon up to his apartment, but there’s a harsh  _ Shh! _ coming from somewhere above him, and Soonyoung realizes they’re probably being loud enough to disturb the other residents. Jihoon chuckles a little.

“308, door’s unlocked,” is all Soonyoung adds, and he watches Jihoon’s body disappear out of sight. A few minutes later, he hears the slight whooshing sound of the balcony door sliding open, and the space beside him grows warm when Jihoon fills it.

“It’s not good to keep your door unlocked,” he says. “Not safe.”

“Maybe I had a hunch you’d be out here tonight.”

“Did you?”

“No,” Soonyoung admits, laughing a little. “I just forgot to lock it.” Jihoon laughs, too.

“Dummy … Why can’t you sleep?”

“Just not tired.”

It’s true, he isn’t. Angels’ bodies don’t totally adapt when they reach Earth, even after being down for a while, and his internal clock doesn’t work the same as a regular human’s. Back home, he has enough energy to keep him going for days. Now he just can’t seem to fall asleep before 3am.

“Your apartment’s really empty.”

“Yeah. Haven’t gotten around to decorating it.” Probably won’t ever, either. There’s no point if he’s just going to have to haul ass as soon as this mission’s done. Jeonghan got it set up well enough for him, anyway, with a couch and a bed and a fully stocked fridge. Television, too, though he hardly uses it.

“What about you?” he asks. “Why can’t you sleep?”

Jihoon doesn’t answer him. He sits with his legs crossed underneath him and his hands tucked in his lap, staring down at the parking lot, and his expression looks a little lost. Soonyoung’s noticed that Jihoon has very particular eyes, the type that are wide, soft, curious. Kind, above all else. Sometimes, they make him look as if he’s got one foot planted solidly in another part of the universe. Like he’s in his own little world.

Soonyoung’s voice comes quiet. “Is it Seungcheol?” Jihoon nods.

“I like him so much.”

“It’s not hopeless.”

“Yes it is. You heard him yourself, didn’t you? It’s never gonna happen.”

“But that just doesn’t make sense.”

Jihoon shoots him an odd look, questioning, but Soonyoung doesn’t offer any sort of explanation.

Thing is, the Council would never set up a mission where there’s no chance of one person falling for the other - typically, a Cupid’s job is to simply push two people together when they’re too dumb to do it themselves. Getting them to actually fall in love shouldn’t be so much of an issue as it is this time around. If he didn’t know better, he’d say he’s being set up.

“You’re really nice to me, Soonyoung, but I think your hopes are just too high. You can’t force a person to feel a certain way, and Seungcheol only wants to be my friend. I can’t change that.”

Soonyoung’s breath hitches, almost like his body’s way of telling him not to, but he asks anyway, “Does it hurt?” and Jihoon’s sad, lonely eyes turn towards him.

“Does it hurt … ? Yeah. Yeah, it does, a little. I can’t help feeling like I’m not good enough.”

“Don’t.” It’s automatic, a built in response Soonyoung doesn’t even have to think about. “That’s not it, that’s never it. It’s okay to be hurt, but don’t let this make you insecure.”

“I think insecurity is a natural side effect of love.”

The night feels cool in his chest, cold air clearing out the cobwebs and bringing his heart to attention. He wants to reach out and pull Jihoon against him, hold him close, because no words he can come up with seem comforting enough, but he’s not sure if they’re there yet. So he keeps his hands to himself.

“I guess so. But I want you to know that there really isn’t anything wrong with you. Certain people are simply made for each other, and others aren’t. That’s not your responsibility. You’re good enough.”

Soonyoung keeps his hands to himself, keeps them wrapped around the metal bars, feels his pulse beating in his palms; the veins along his wrists feel too full when Jihoon rests his head on Soonyoung’s shoulder.

“I’m glad we’re friends.”

Soonyoung’s mouth feels dry.

“Me too.”

“Can I stay the night?”

Dry, too dry, he can hardly get his words out.

“I-I’d like it if you did.”

Jihoon whispers, “Okay,” and nothing more.

__

That night, Soonyoung tells Jihoon to take his bed, and he closes the window so he won’t feel cold. It’s a Friday night, he tells him, sleep in tomorrow, you don’t have to leave early. He thinks he can hear the distant echo of Jeonghan nagging him at the back of his head, but he pushes it away to focus on Jihoon, instead.

“Wake me up if you need anything,” he whispers at the door.

“Thanks. For everything.”

“Of course.”

Soonyoung falls asleep that night, hating himself for the way he’s angry at Seungcheol.

__

> _ Breakfast, really? _

“Sue me for being a good host.”

> _ This is borderline domestic. Oh, Jihoon, you can stay the night. Jihoon, wake me up if you need something. How would you like your eggs in the morning, Jihoon? _

“Shut up. I’m being nice.”

> _ Whatever. _

Soonyoung’s about to snap back, but - speak of the Devil - Jihoon walks into the kitchen at that moment. He’s got one arm bent behind his back, stretching, and his hair is standing on end. “You talking to someone?” he yawns.

“Nope.” Soonyoung flips the egg in the pan. “Just humming.”

“You’re making breakfast? Jeez, that’s sweet. Thanks.”

Soonyoung tells Jihoon he can make himself a cup of tea, and he can’t help smiling when the boy mixes in a spoon of cinnamon. He wants to take his own big, stupid, beating heart and tear it out of his chest.

“I’ve made a decision.”

“And what’s that?”

“I’m going to get over my stupid crush on Seungcheol.”

Soonyoung pauses, his hand freezing over the pan. “What’s inspired that?”

“Last night. I’m tired of feeling shitty over something that - that, like you said, isn’t my responsibility. This isn’t good for me. I need to move on.”

Soonyoung’s torn between celebrating Jihoon’s determination and swearing, because his job just got a whole lot harder. He settles on saying, “That’s really great,” because it’s the only thing he can think to say.

_ Could this go any more wrong? Jeonghan? How am I supposed to succeed now? _

To Soonyoung’s surprise, he actually gets a response.

> _ I’m going to talk to the Council. Buy yourself some time until I can figure something out. _

_ What am I supposed to do? Just chill until then? _

> _ Literally, yes. Do that. _

“Oh.” Jihoon looks at him.

“What?”

Soonyoung hesitates, shaking his head. “Er, nothing. It’s nothing.”

Buying time should be easy enough. Basically, live his life down here until Jeonghan gives him further instructions. He can do that. But  _ fuck _ . He was really determined to get things right, this time. He wants to say something, ask Jihoon if he’s really sure, because maybe Seungcheol really does have feelings for him and -

“You know, I never got any cereal last night.”

“Oh, shoot. I forgot.”

Jihoon sighs, “It’s okay, I didn’t really come up for the cereal, anyway.” He says that, and Soonyoung’s left guessing what the hell it’s supposed to mean.

“Ha, funny,” he tries.

“It’s not really supposed to be.”

Soonyoung looks at him. “What’s it supposed to be?”

“Honest. I came up because I knew that talking to you would probably make me feel better.”

“Why?”

Jihoon shrugs. He’s lingering by the table kind of awkwardly, swaying a little on the balls of his feet. “I dunno. You just have the feeling, y’know. Like … you’re good at talking to people, and making them feel better. At least, in my experience.”

“Oh.” Soonyoung feels weirdly proud. Fond, even. He smiles. “Oh. Alright. Well, good. I’m glad.”

__

The morning seems to smooth away all of Soonyoung’s anxieties. He’s stressed, a tight ball of nerves, because he’s never been in this situation before - hardly anyone ever has - but Jihoon opens the kitchen window and the day is cool, they eat breakfast together, and it’s something about the warm feeling of food in his stomach and Jihoon’s eyes on his that leaves him feeling clean. Like a knife taken to the edge of a loaf of bread, slicing off the grain and revealing something bare. Something soft on the inside.

“Sorry if I’m overstaying,” Jihoon says at one point, and Soonyoung shakes his head a little too fast.

“No, not at all. The company is nice.”

And on that note, Jihoon doesn’t leave to go back to his apartment until a few hours later. Only after they’ve lazed around long enough to feel bad about it, and then he has to give Soonyoung a wry smile at the door, promising to see him again later.

When the door closes, Soonyoung expects Jeonghan’s voice to hit him again. But it doesn’t.

“What am I going to do?” he starts, instead. “Seungcheol can’t  _ not _ be interested. The Council doesn’t make mistakes like this. At least, they usually don’t. Just my luck to get stuck here the one time they do though, right?” Still, he hears nothing. He tries again.

“I’m sorry I rely on your voice so much. I wish I could be more self-sustainable, but I just … I dunno, man. What’s going on? If Jihoon and Seungcheol don’t end up together, this mission is a failure.  _ Again _ . I know you told me not to worry, but I swear I’m going to get fired. I’ll be booted out of the fucking sky and be left all alone. I’m not ready for that.”

_ Tack tack. _ He hears someone knocking at the door, and his lips seal themselves together in an instant. Jihoon pushes into the room once more, looking awkward. “Sorry,” he says. “Forgot my keys.”

“Oh, right. Here you are.” He grabs them off the counter and tosses them to Jihoon.

“Thanks. Er, I’ll see you around.”

“For sure.”

The door shuts again, and suddenly, inexplicably, the most dreadful feeling floods through him. He wonders how long Jihoon was at the door. He wonders how soundproof these walls are.

He wonders because he’s paranoid, and the only thing worse than not doing his job is getting caught for what he is - then he’ll  _ really _ be screwed.

__

He flies into the booth opposite Minghao.

“Here’s the plan,” he starts before the other boy even has the chance to say hello. “And please, please, please do  _ not _ tell Jihoon about this.”

“Oh - Okay? What is it?”

“I’m trying to set them up.”

“Who?”

“Jihoon and Seungcheol, duh.”

“Oh. Right. Duh.”

Soonyoung had texted Minghao almost immediately after the whole Jihoon-coming-back-for-his-keys thing, after giving Jeonghan five minutes to reach out to him and getting restless when the angel didn’t. He did it partly without thinking, honestly, a quick  _ Hey, are you busy? _ and a sudden panic when Minghao replied that yes, in fact, he is free.

_ I know a cafe we can meet at. I’ll send you the address. _

_ Okay. Awesome. _

_ Is everything alright? _

_ I’ll explain when I see you _ .

“This is what was so urgent?” Minghao almost sounds annoyed, but the look on his face is more amused than anything. Soonyoung can see the ghost of a laugh floating behind his smile.

“I never said it was urgent.”

“You sounded pretty desperate when you messaged me.”

“Well, this  _ is _ desperate. Jihoon thinks he doesn’t have a chance with Seungcheol, and I need to prove him wrong. They  _ have _ to get together.”

“And why’s that?”

Soonyoung stammers, not knowing how to explain himself. “Be - Um, because! They’re soulmates! It’s meant to be, Minghao, you gotta trust me on this.”

Minghao is cool, that’s one thing Soonyoung has learned since his arrival on Earth. Easygoing and relaxed, opinionated, but not opinionated in an irritating way, you know? His opinions are cool, too. And he has a good understanding of when to press a matter and when to leave it, so when he says, “Alright, I trust you,” Soonyoung thinks he could kiss him.

“So, what’s the move?”

… 

“What?”

Minghao’s lips pull into a smile. He says, “I mean, what are we going to do? You said you have a plan?”

“My plan was to just … set them up.”

“There’s a process to that, Soonyoung.”

“I know! I know. Which is why I need your help, because I’m bad at this.”  _ Which is pathetic, because it’s what my whole life has been about.  _ He scowls at himself, shoving away the thought.

Minghao is kind enough not to taunt him or laugh at his cluelessness, he even goes so far as to order Soonyoung a hot chocolate before settling back into his seat comfortably. “We can figure this out, if you’re so sure about it. But you know … soulmates isn’t something to rely on.” Soonyoung blinks at him.

“What do you mean? ‘Course it is.”

Minghao winces a little. “I mean,  _ sure _ there are people who fall in love and spend the rest of their lives together - I’m not arguing that, I think it’s a wonderful thing, but … the concept of soulmates. It’s kind of like a ‘love at first sight thing,’ don’t you think?”

“In what way?”

“In - In that, it doesn’t exist.”

Soonyoung hates to admit it, but Minghao’s coolness factor drops by a good ten percent, then. It’s like watching a figure skater fall on his face. Disappointing.

He inhales, blowing the steam off the top of his hot chocolate. “Okay … I’m gonna act like you didn’t say that.“

Minghao laughs, “Come on, you’re not offended by that, are you?”

“Well - I mean, not  _ personally _ , but - but of course soulmates exist.”

“Soonyoung, you’re so cute.”

“Please don’t. I’m not a kid, I’m being serious.”

“I know you are, that’s what makes it cute.”

Soonyoung huffs. With his kind of chubby fingers wrapped around his mug, face pulled together in a pout - he feels like a child, truly, but Minghao seems to get that he isn’t joking and clears his throat, letting his smile simmer down into something more understanding.

“You know what, it doesn’t matter. You want me to be your partner in crime?”

Soonyoung lightens up a bit. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”

“You’re a good friend for trying to make this happen.”

“I just want Jihoon to be happy, that’s all.” He sips his drink, thinking genuinely from the pit of his heart. “He said he’d get over it, but I don’t think it’s that easy. I want to - I want to try, at least. For him.”

Minghao nods. His smile makes him look like a little bit of the sun is inside him.

“Like I said,” he says, “you’re a good friend. Almost too good.”

  
  
  


> _ Yeah. Almost too good. _


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey clowns i'm back !!! after a month of writer's insecurity and block i wrote a solid 4k to make up for how short the last chapter was - i was actually kind of hyped to write this, since soonhoon are finally properly getting there (shit goes down), but i do apologize if it isn't the best. i feel like i say this a lot lmao but genuinely it's been tough for me to get my shit together writing-wise lately, and this might not be 100% it. i tried though!!! and i hope you enjoy it :'')

°

**SOONYOUNG HAS GIVEN ** up on communicating with Jeonghan. For one, he never gets the answers he needs when he needs them. And secondly, he’d probably get an hour-long lecture if the elder found out about what he did; enlisting Minghao to help him, using a  _ human _ to do the job of a Cupid. Yeah, he doesn’t want to deal with that.

His apartment smells like burnt toast and flowers. He’d bought himself a bouquet the other day with what little money he had because he was tired of empty grey walls and barren countertops. Minghao sits with his legs hooked around the foot of his stool, biting into a piece of blackened bread and gazing at the head of daisy. 

“Before you disappoint yourself, you need to understand that there’s a chance this won’t work out. You can’t force a relationship.”

“Ugh, why do people keep telling me that? This is going to work, I know it. They were made for each other.” They have to be, otherwise the Council wouldn’t have set them up.

Minghao doesn’t question his certainty. He shrugs his shoulders and takes another bite, helpless. “Alright. Let’s get down to business, I guess. This better be worth it though, I turned down Junhui’s lunch date for it.”

Minghao mentions a company dinner coming up in a few days for the holidays - a nice meal, and then the group will go out for drinks after. “They’ll both be there, and Jihoon doesn’t drink, but Seungcheol usually gets a little tipsy at these things. Put up a little mistletoe and  _ boom _ \- they’ll kiss.”

“Seungcheol will realize his feelings for Jihoon, and they’ll live happily ever after,” Soonyoung finishes. He grins. “This is perfect. You don’t mind keeping an eye on them for me throughout the night?”

“What do you mean? You’re gonna be there, aren’t you?”

“Oh. I didn’t know I was invited.”

Minghao laughs, reaching over to shove Soonyoung lightly. “Of course you’re invited, the guys love you. And you’re a part of the company, aren’t you? You’re definitely coming.”

It takes a moment to sink in, but when it does, Soonyoung feels his face turn warm. His smile is heating up his cheeks, pressing up to his eyes and burning all the way down to his heart. Minghao giggles.

“You’re endearing, Soonyoung.”

“I didn’t think you guys liked me that much.”

“Why not?”

“I dunno, I just … I mean, I only just got here a couple weeks ago. And there’s nothing really special about me, so. I just thought.”

“Come on, that’s bullshit. In the few weeks you’ve been here, I don’t think there’s a single person whose life you haven’t touched, even just a little. Your energy during the dance lessons is so good, it keeps everyone going, and you’ve got so many good ideas. You’re funny and entertaining - you know, Chan was having a rough day the other week, and you totally brightened it for him. It’s like making people happy comes so naturally to you, I’m surprised you didn’t know it.”

The warmth intensifies, until Soonyoung’s whole body feels like a furnace. His limbs go soft like jelly, and he thinks that if he doesn’t make a conscious effort to hold himself together, he might melt into a puddle on the floor. “I didn’t ever think about that. I figure I’m just kind of useless at a lot of things.”

“Absolutely not. You’re a great guy. When I heard another choreographer was coming on board, I was skeptical - because Jun and I were doing just fine with Chan, you know? But then you got here, and I just … man, I’m really happy it was you.”

This is one of those moments that Soonyoung thinks he’ll remember forever. Something shifts in his worldview, in his view of himself, even. He really, truly believes that he’s nothing special; that he’s just some guy who pops into people’s lives to hook them up with the person they love and then disappear again. That’s how it’s always been. Him, unnoticeable, unlikely, painted grey like the walls of his apartment. He’s always managed to get a little attached to his targets, though.

This is different.

This is Minghao, telling him that his presence  _ means _ something, really means something, and that they like to have him around. That people at work have paid attention to him and appreciated him. His personality isn’t bland at times and overbearing at others. This is one of those moments that Soonyoung thinks he’ll remember forever, because Minghao’s words are coated in honey and honey tends to stick.

He’s always managed to get a little attached to his targets, but he gets the feeling that leaving this world behind will be the worst of his career as a Cupid so far.

__

At the dinner, Soonyoung gets to know some of the other guys better - he’s met a few of them before, or heard of them, but very briefly. Apparently they’re all good friends with Minghao, Jihoon, Seungcheol and the lot.

Seungkwan introduces himself as the head of styling and having heard  _ so much _ about Soonyoung since he started working at Pledis. He sits close to Vernon, one of the assistant producers who works with Jihoon, and after a little chatting Soonyoung decides to leave them alone. He finds out that Mingyu - who Jihoon has mentioned a few times, and is head of management - is actually probably one of the most gorgeous humans he’s ever laid eyes on, and not even his clumsiness takes away from it. He knocks over a glass of wine at some point in the night, and all Soonyoung can think is that he’s the most endearing monkey of a model he’s seen in his lifetime.

“He looks like he should be an idol,” he says, not to anyone in particular, and the reply comes in the form of an unfamiliar voice.

“Doesn’t he? You wouldn’t think he’s the type of guy to deal with scheduling and whatnot.” Soonyoung looks for the source of the voice and finds a guy about his height, with dark hair and dark eyes, and a square sort of smile stretching across his face. “I’m Wonwoo,” he says, extending an arm, “part of the production team.” Soonyoung takes his hand and shakes it.

“Oh, cool. Production? Like editing, directing, or … ?”

“Directing, mostly. I don’t think you’ve been on set for any music videos, but I’m usually there behind the camera with the rest of my team.”

“Nice, nice … Oh - I’m Soonyoung, by the way,” he remembers.

“I figured. You’re the only person I don’t recognize here, and I’ve heard a lot about you already.”

“Really?” Soonyoung can feel himself blushing. He reaches behind himself to scratch the back of his neck, awkward. “A few people have told me that already tonight. All good things, I hope?”

“For  _ sure _ .”

Wonwoo’s demeanor is intimidating at first, coming off as knowledgeable and mature, and Soonyoung starts to feel like some lost kid at his mom’s work event. He tells Wonwoo about choreographing, and Wonwoo tells him about a documentary he watched the other day about dancing. He says he likes movies, and Wonwoo says he likes movies too, but he likes reading more. Soonyoung doesn’t think he’s picked up a book in years.

He manages to detach himself from the boy eventually under the excuse that he’s going to get another drink, but pretends to get stopped by Jihoon on the way to grab a glass.

“Having a good time?” Jihoon asks, and he nods vigorously.

“I am! Everyone is really nice. Wonwoo’s great, but, um. He scares the shit out of me. He’s so smart.”

Jihoon laughs. “It’s okay, he makes that impression on everyone. He is really smart, but once you get to know him you’ll realize he’s actually so chill. Like, a trivia god who’s seen pretty much every documentary on Netflix, but also a massive gaming nerd, and really fun to be around.”

Soonyoung believes that. He glances across the room and sees that Wonwoo’s worked his way over to Mingyu, and they’re both doubled over laughing about something.

“Seungkwan is also so nice, and he’s fucking hilarious. I like him a lot. Vernon, too.”

“Oh, they’re awesome. Both of them. I work with Vernon a bunch - he told you that, didn’t he? He’s great, he’s so - “

Jihoon is interrupted when someone comes bounding over, too fast and moving in a blur so Soonyoung can’t make out who it is right off the bat. He covers Jihoon in a massive hug, squeezing him so tight that it hurts Soonyoung just to look, and Jihoon has to wheeze over his shoulder. “Seokmin … you’re hurting me … “

“Oh, fuck, sorry.” The person - Seokmin - moves away and brushes off Jihoon’s shirt for him, looking down at him with a smile so bright, Soonyoung half expects the whole room to light up a little. His face glows, and Soonyoung doesn’t really know who this Seokmin person is yet, but he immediately gets the feeling that he’s just one of  _ those  _ guys - the ones who have a way of making anyone smile, whose happiness is nearly infectious. He wants to know him better right away.

“Seokmin, this is Soonyoung.” Jihoon takes Seokmin’s arm and turns him toward Soonyoung, gesturing. “He was just hired recently, he works with Minghao and Jun.”

“Oh!  _ You’re _ Soonyoung. You know, Jihoon talks about you a lot.”

Jihoon laughs nervously, squirming, and Soonyoung gives him a teasing look. “Does he? What does he say?”

“All sorts of things - like, you’re so funny and nice to be around, and - “

“Only the nicest things,” Jihoon interrupts, and Soonyoung doesn’t miss the way he squeezes Seokmin’s arm. “Obviously. I don’t think anyone in this room could say a mean thing about you.”

“Probably not,” Seokmin pitches. “Everyone I’ve spoken to seems to like you. How’s it been working for Pledis? It’s always a little scary at first, when you’re shoved into this big company and you don’t know anyone, but things warm up really fast.”

“Definitely. I’m still making my way around, but people here seem really nice. I actually like it a lot.”

“Yeah, it’s the people that make the experience - not the company itself, trust me.” Seokmin winks, and Soonyoung doesn’t take it too seriously. He’s heard enough people shit on Pledis to get the idea by now.

“Are you gonna head out with us later? We’re going for drinks. Like, real drinks.”

“Uh, sure. If nobody minds.”

“Nobody does,” Jihoon chimes in. He’d been watching their exchange quietly, but now his face has gone all bright, and Soonyoung thinks he can see a gleam in his eye. “Trust me, you’ll have a good time.”

“Okay,” Soonyoung settles. “I’ll be there.”

__

Another hour passes, maybe, before Jihoon grabs Soonyoung by the shoulder and tells him they’re heading out. “It’s a club and Minghao knows the owner, so he saved a table big enough for everyone.”

They walk in a group, and Soonyoung lets himself get swept up in the energy of everyone all together. He really hits it off with Seungkwan and Seokmin, adding to their jokes, and his chest feels lighter than it has in a long time when the others laugh. He catches Jihoon’s eye at one point - he’s walking backward, doing some dumb, on-the-spot skit for them, and the light of a nearby streetlamp hits Jihoon’s face and makes his brown eyes look copper. They’re squinting past his grin, his big, heart-stopping laugh, and he clings on to Vernon’s side when he laughs even harder. Seeing him, Soonyoung forgets that he’s in a group for a second. He’s so enamoured by the way Jihoon is smiling that he almost loses his balance and falls on the pavement. 

But he catches himself, straightens and smiles, falling back into step with Seungkwan. Faintly, he can hear Jihoon’s voice coming from behind - “See, I told you he’s funny,” and Soonyoung’s throat contracts all of a sudden. It’s hard to breathe. He blames it on the cold night air.

When they make it to their destination, the atmosphere is warm and humid with all the people inside. Seungcheol is the first to say, “I’m gonna get us some drinks,” and that’s when Soonyoung remembers what he’s here to do. Minghao shoots him a look, giving a thumbs up.

Soonyoung’s not used to this scene. He’s been to a lot of places and done a lot of things, but clubbing isn’t something that’s ever really come up in his schedule. The floor keeps blinking beneath his feet, and the lights make him feel like he’s dreaming with open eyes; they float around his sight, flickering and waving and changing colors. There’s loud music mingling with talk and dozens of warm, malleable bodies moving around the room. He doesn’t realize the others are moving until Jihoon bumps his shoulder, grinning.

“You don’t do this often, huh?” Soonyoung shakes his head slowly. “Yeah, me neither. Only sometimes, when Seungkwan gets on my ass for not hanging out with them enough and I start to feel bad. I prefer quiet spaces.”

“Yeah, quiet spaces.” Soonyoung almost wants to reach out and grab Jihoon’s hand, just to make sure he’s rooted in reality and won’t drift off to God knows where at some point in the night.

He doesn’t have to grab Jihoon’s hand, though, because Jihoon grabs his.

“Come on, once we sit down you’ll start to settle in better. Just stick with me.”

Once they’re all sat around a big round table, somewhere at the back of the room where it isn’t so chaotic, Soonyoung does start to feel a little more grounded. Seungcheol comes with the drinks and doesn’t hold back in downing his first two shots - Soonyoung passes up his own drink, and Jihoon quirks one eyebrow.

“Not planning on getting drunk tonight,” he explains. Truthfully, he hardly drinks alcohol, and doesn’t really know what his limits are. He doesn’t want to accidentally go too far and somehow screw things up.

“That’s alright. I try to avoid drinking as much as possible, too.”

“Why’s that?”

“It’s never a good situation. My face gets all red and hot, and everything I say has the potential to decimate my dignity. It’s happened a few times, and I’ve learned my lesson.”

“Everyone’s their most embarrassing self when they’re drunk,” Soonyoung says.

“I know, but some people are more okay with that than others.”

“Fair enough.”

He doesn’t talk to Minghao much throughout the night, but every now and then they’ll catch each other’s eyes, a silent reassurance. Seungcheol gets progressively more drunk, as do a few of the others. At one point, Soonyoung looks at Chan and asks, “You’re old enough to drink, aren’t you?” The younger nods.

“I am, but it’s more fun to watch these guys get wasted.”

Which, Soonyoung can agree. Mingyu reminds him of an excited puppy, endearing and clingy and energetic; Wonwoo has to push him off of his lap more than a few times. Junhui is something else entirely, popping in and out of Soonyoung’s sight, either running to the dance floor or starting conversations with strangers. And Seungcheol - well, Seungcheol.

Soonyoung gets the feeling he tends to be overly-sentimental when he drinks.

“He does that,” Jihoon confirms for him. “Likes to talk and get emotional. It’s easier when you’re not sober. I’m not very good at handling it, though.”

The faraway look Jihoon gets in his eyes strikes Soonyoung like rod, knocking a sense of understanding into him. Jihoon has probably had to deal with countless nights with Seungcheol, drunk or tipsy, spilling his heart out in every way except for that which Jihoon really wants. Soonyoung thinks that if he loved someone, and he was subjected to that horrific intimacy on a regular basis … it would hurt so much.

And Jihoon has been hurt, he knows. He knows it’s not Seungcheol’s fault. He  _ knows _ that, but he’s still angry.

“I want you to be happy, you know.” Soonyoung’s voice doesn’t sound like it’s his - it gets washed out by the atmosphere and sound surrounding them, but Jihoon turns to him like he heard it loud and clear. He opens his mouth to answer; Soonyoung’s waiting, bracing himself, and then -

“Jihoon!” Minghao’s voice cuts through them both. “Come over here, you gotta see this.”

Soonyoung realizes that they’re the only two left at the table. Somewhere in him getting wrapped up in Jihoon and his words, the others had gotten up and made their way over to the crowd, or close by the bar. Jihoon looks at him apologetically, and gets up. Soonyoung stays sitting.

Just like that, Soonyoung feels like he isn’t in that moment anymore. He’s not  _ inside _ the club, actively living and breathing with everyone else - he’s alone in a dark room, watching a movie play out before him. He isn’t ten feet away from Jihoon, but he’s a world away from him, just watching, watching.

Minghao pulls him over to show him something across the bar, Soonyoung’s not sure what, and Seungcheol is with them. He can see what’s coming from a mile away.

Minghao looks up. Soonyoung looks up with him. A small sprig of green, with little red berries attached to it that are probably made of plastic; it’s attached to the overhead metal rod that holds the lights shining over them, and Minghao laughs like it’s a coincidence.

Soonyoung almost wants to close his eyes, because for some reason the anticipation of what’s supposed to happen is making his insides turn, and maybe it’ll feel better if he doesn’t see - but he forces them open, and what happens surprises him.

Jihoon looks mildly uncomfortable. Seungcheol laughs in his drunken glory, and waves it off like it’s nothing. Soonyoung can’t really hear it, but he can see Seungcheol’s mouth moving, he can see the already dim light in Jihoon’s eyes dim even more, he can see Minghao’s face fall with his chest. At the same time, Soonyoung thinks he can feel his heart drop. Seungcheol laughs again and walks away. Just like that, the moment’s over.

It hadn’t occurred to Soonyoung that this might not work out. Isn’t that a tradition on earth, kissing under the mistletoe? Like, no matter who it is or what situation you’re in, you do it, right? He remembers Joshua explaining that very clearly to him.

When Minghao sees him, he shrugs, almost as if to say  _ I told you this might not work. _

A little later, Soonyoung finds Jihoon downing a beer at the end of the bar, probably not his first judging by the cloudiness in his eyes, and he says, “I thought you said you don’t drink.”

“I don’t, but sometimes it just makes life easier.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“It’s loud in here.”

“Then let’s go outside.”

Jihoon looks at him a little too long, before nodding finally. He slides off the stool and Soonyoung takes him out through what he assumes is the backdoor, to some empty alleyway where they toss the garbage.

They're fully immersed in the nighttime now, and there’s only one weak, flickering bulb hanging above their heads for light. Soonyoung gets what Jihoon meant earlier - his cheeks are flaming, a hot red right under his eyes, and for a second he thinks that he might be able to reach out and feel the heat.

Jihoon stops him from doing it when he starts talking.

"You know what he said? After Minghao pointed at the mistletoe, he said something."

"What was it?"

"He laughed, and he was like, 'Hah, no way. I can't kiss Jihoon. That'd be weird."

"Oh." Soonyoung feels shitty. So, so unbelievably shitty. Like, Jihoon was already down about the Seungcheol situation, and it doesn't matter that Soonyoung was trying to help - in the end, he made things worse. He rubbed in the fact that Seungcheol doesn't and might not ever have any feelings for Jihoon. He isn't even worried about his job, for once, he just genuinely feels sorry for hurting Jihoon.

But the latter continues.

“It was so strange. I finally had the opportunity to kiss Seungcheol, but some part of me just … didn’t want to. I was looking at him, he was  _ right _ there. And I didn’t want to.”

“You seemed pretty upset that _he_ didn’t want to kiss _you_, though.”

“That’s the confusing part. I didn’t want to kiss him, but I was still hurt when I realized he didn’t want to, either. It’s like no matter what happens, I’m not content.”

“Maybe you spent so long pining after him, it was just instinctive to feel sad when that happened.”

“Maybe, yeah. I guess that would make sense.”

It goes quiet between the two of them. Soonyoung’s more confused, now - Seungcheol doesn’t love Jihoon, fine, but can Jihoon fall _ out _ of love with Seungcheol? Does that happen?

“You love him, don’t you?” he asks, because he isn't so sure, anymore.

“I think so … I mean, I really … I really thought I loved him. Seungcheol. I loved him. I’ve been obsessed with him for so long, so it doesn’t seem realistic that I could move on really quickly.” Jihoon sways a little on his feet, and he talks slowly, almost like he’s trying really hard to push his words out as coherently as possible. “Which,” he continues, “I haven’t. Now, still … he has a place _here_.” He pats his chest, his heart, and Soonyoung’s throat hurts when he swallows.

“But … ? What’s your point?” he croaks.

“I dunno, I don’t know what my point is. I’m just - I’m trying to tell you that I thought my feelings were  _ so _ strong for Cheol … but then you came along. If you really like someone that much, is it normal to start liking someone else at the same time? I don’t know.” Soonyoung’s heart stops, he swears.

He swears his blood freezes in his veins. There’s frost growing along his lungs, and every inhale feels sharp and biting. “What are you talking about?” he asks.

“I mean, I met you, and I really  _ liked _ you. Like you, present tense. It’s so weird … I’m so confused … Did I really love Seungcheol? I can’t tell, and I can’t tell because I spent a long time wanting to kiss his face, but I’m looking at you now, Soonyoung, and I want to kiss  _ you _ , instead. Isn’t that weird? I don’t - I don’t get it.”

Jihoon stops, then. He stops talking and stops swaying, starts leaning against Soonyoung like he’s a wall, but Soonyoung doesn’t respond. He’s rooted to the spot with his arms cold at his sides.  _ I want to kiss you, instead. _ It occurs to Soonyoung that he wants to kiss Jihoon, too, and  _ oh my God oh my God I’m so, so fucked right now _ .

Jihoon wraps his arms around Soonyoung’s midriff and holds him like a lifeline. Soonyoung wants to pick him up and take him somewhere they can be alone with no responsibilities, no worries. He wants to find Jeonghan and say  _ fuck _ this job and  _ fuck _ being a Cupid because he wants to hold Jihoon’s face and kiss him forever, and he isn’t supposed to.

Just a few hours ago, having feelings for Jihoon was the farthest thing from his mind. A few hours ago, his plan was to get Jihoon together with  _ Seungcheol _ . This is either a dream, or the weight of the night is fucking with his head. It can’t be real because it doesn’t make sense.

“Hey, Soonyoung?” Jihoon squeezes tighter.

Soonyoung’s voice is raspy when he responds. “Yeah?”

“If you don’t like me back, that’s okay. Just pretend this didn’t happen when we see each other tomorrow. I still want to be your friend.” Soonyoung has to dig to find his own voice.

“Okay. I can do that.”

“Thank you.”


	6. Chapter 6

°

**SOONYOUNG ENDS UP ** being the one to take Jihoon home. Technically, they would have gone home together anyway, probably, since they live so close, but it gets to a point in the night where Jihoon either cannot or does not want to hold himself up anymore, and Soonyoung has to hold him up with one arm to get him back safely.

His mind won’t stop whirring. The walk to the bus stop, the bus ride, the walk from the bus stop up the stairs to Jihoon’s apartment … it almost feels alright, if he blocks out the stress of it - Soonyoung has heard horror stories like this, he’s heard how painful it is, falling in love when you’re not supposed to - the stress, the stress, the way it almost seems to melt away when he looks down at Jihoon. The boy is using him as a makeshift pillar, probably drooling against his shirt or something, but Soonyoung doesn’t even care.

His mind. It turns over thoughts, millions of thoughts, all of them about Jihoon.

It’s sometime near three in the morning when he hears it. He’s laid down Jihoon in his bed, not even bothering to change him out of his sweaty clothes, and he’s looking for a blanket to keep him warm on the couch when Jeonghan speaks to him. He sounds so, so weary.

“Hell of a night, huh.”

“Oh, how nice of you to say hello. I was starting to wonder if I’d ever hear from you again.”

Soonyoung moves out of the room and closes the door gently behind him, raising his voice from its whisper once he’s sure Jihoon won’t hear him.

“Don’t be dramatic. I told you I’d get back to you, didn’t I?” Soonyoung sighs.

“Yeah, you did. Any updates?”

“Where are you right now?”

“Jihoon’s apartment. You’ve been watching me, haven’t you?”

“Trying to. It’s just - things are so hectic up here. Between keeping an eye on you and getting an understanding of what’s going on with the Council, I - it’s hard. But I saw you tonight, yeah.”

Soonyoung chuckles wryly, “Of all the nights for you to see me.”

Jeonghan speaks quietly, Soonyoung thinks. Interworldly communication makes it hard to tell sometimes - the voice gets distorted, background noise fizzles out to a television buzz - but he can tell when Jeonghan’s voice drops, carrying something somber within it.

“You need to get out of there, Soonyoung.”

“I can’t leave him, Jeonghan, he’s wasted. What if he wakes up in the middle of the night and tries something stupid? Humans are so reckless, you can never - “

“No, Soonyoung, that’s not what I mean. You need to leave Earth. Come home.”

Soonyoung stills. Every molecule in his body pauses to listen.

“Wh-What?”

“You had to see this coming. Things were doomed the moment we realized Jihoon and Seungcheol weren’t meant for each other. This was a fluke. The Council isn’t supposed to make mistakes, but this time it did. You should’ve never been sent out there.”

He’s right, Soonyoung knows he’s right.

“No? N-No, wait - “

“This won’t reflect poorly on you, don’t worry, it wasn’t your fault this time.”

“No, Jeonghan, I don’t want to - “

“The longer you stay, the more complicated things will get. Jihoon, he - he can’t fall in love with you, and you can’t fall in love with him. This goes against every single - “

“Jeonghan,” Soonyoung breathes, effectively cutting the angel off. “Jeonghan. I don’t want to leave.” The ensuing hush is palpable. It’s a quiet fog, a mist clouding his vision and wetting his lungs.

“This isn’t a choice for you to make. This isn’t a  _ question _ , I wasn’t asking you if you wanted to go or not. I’m telling you, you have to.”

“Please don’t.”

“Your life isn’t down there.”

“What if I want it to be?”

Soonyoung hates talking like this. He hates that he can’t see Jeonghan’s face and that Jeonghan can’t see his, the pleading in his eyes. He wants to reach out and grab the angel’s wrists and tell him no, no he doesn’t want to leave this place, he’s never wanted to stay on Earth so badly. It’s like arguing over the phone - all they have to go off of is each other’s voices. The rise and fall of Soonyoung’s chest is nonexistent, but his exhales are sharp. The waver in his words is the only sense of subjectivity between them when they can’t see each other’s faces.

“Can I just see you?” he asks. “Can we talk about this in person?”

“You act like that’s easy - our energy isn’t limitless, Soonyoung, we can only do so much - “

“An  _ hour _ , Han. Not even that. Just a little bit of time for me to look you in the eyes while we talk this over.”

A distant, fuzzy recording fills the space that Jeonghan’s words leave. Ambient noise turned white. Until finally, simply, he says, “Okay.”

__

He has to wait a while - these things don’t happen as fast as one might think - but eventually Soonyoung is opening the door to see Jeonghan’s frowning eyes. The night behind him is so cold, but he feels so warm when Soonyoung pulls him into a tight hug. He shakes. Heaves an exhale against his friend and squeezes harder until he feels a pair of hands come up against his back.

“You know, I really missed you.”

“I missed you, too. Can I come in properly? I’m fucking cold.”

“Right, right, of course.” Soonyoung pulls away and rubs at his eye, closing the door quietly. Jeonghan levels him with a look. Soonyoung juts his head out towards the door at the end of the room. “He’s in his room. Sleeping.”

“Were you gonna stay the night?”

“Yeah, take the couch. I didn’t want to leave him alone.”

“Do you love him?”

Jeonghan has the type of eyes that can cut right through a person. They’re sharp, calculating - not necessarily unfriendly, but they remind Soonyoung that he can’t have the world he would like.

“I haven’t known him very long,” he answers quietly.

“That’s not what I asked you.”

Soonyoung could lie and say no, but that’s not the truth, and Jeonghan would know. Why waste his breath? Instead, he turns to go toward the door, pushing it open just enough to look through the crack and see Jihoon sleeping soundly. He’s curled in on himself, moving only when he breathes.

And Soonyoung’s having a hard time understanding - understanding, what is this? This feeling, right in the pit of him. He looks at Jihoon and even now, when everything feels like it’s going wrong, spring erupts throughout his body; his blood turns cool and crystal, his veins bloom like flowers. It’s dark like night but there’s a garden in his stomach, tickling the inside of him.

Jihoon is pretty, his face is clear like the sky. Soonyoung wants to feel his lashes on his cheek. Realizing that terrifies him. 

For someone whose life is meant to revolve around love, Soonyoung is awfully scared of it. He was ready for this to be over with - whether he screwed up Jihoon’s love life or succeeded in hooking him up with Seungcheol, this was meant to be a quick mission. In and out. A few weeks, tops, before he could go back home and rest. That’s all he really wanted.

But now, what he wants has changed. He wants the smell of Jihoon’s cologne sticking to his clothes. He wants Jihoon’s bedsheets gathered around his feet, and the smell of coffee coming from down the hall. He feels so  _ stupid _ .

Jeonghan seems to read his mind.

“Nobody’s mad at you. There are some things you just can’t help.”

“ _ I’m _ mad at me. What happened, Jeonghan? You said the Council makes mistakes sometimes, but how could they fuck up this badly? Jihoon and Seungcheol weren’t soulmates, they were never supposed to end up together. So why did I get sent down here, huh?”

They watch each other for a while, and then it hits Soonyoung - Jeonghan looks  _ guilty _ . His heart sinks into a cavity, somewhere too far down for light. There’s dread gnawing on his bones.

“What?” he asks. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m really sorry.”

“Why? You didn’t - You don’t have anything to be sorry for, right?”

“They played us both, Soonyoung. I wouldn’t have let it happen if I knew.”

“Knew  _ what _ .”

“They told me it was a last chance. If you succeeded at this, they wouldn’t dismiss you - but I didn’t think they’d be low enough to rig it.”

Soonyoung wants to crumple to the floor, but he doesn’t. What he does is this: he turns to look back at Jihoon, with his hands folded by his cheek and lips pressed into a tired line. He thinks. He thinks about Jihoon tonight, and how open and vulnerable he was, how genuine he sounded when he told Soonyoung he liked him and how sorry he sounded at the same time. He thinks about how badly he wanted to kiss Jihoon, and how he thinks he might have wanted to kiss Jihoon for a while, he just never realized it fully.

Because Jihoon burrowed himself into Soonyoung’s chest. He grew in the crack of a sidewalk, where pretty things aren’t meant to be but sometimes end up, and Soonyoung was too preoccupied with his mission to even realize how much he  _ liked _ having the boy there.

Soonyoung thought he knew how this worked. Regardless of how many times he might have fucked up in the past, he knows love, he knows heart, he knows the feeling that passes between two people when they’re gone for each other, he’s seen it a thousand times.

He thought he knew how hearts worked, but he never knew that they could beat this hard. He thought he knew a lovelorn gaze, but he never knew what it felt like in his own eyes.

He thought he knew love, but he’s starting to realize that he’s never really known how it feels to  _ be _ in love - until now.

“So that’s it?” he asks quietly, not taking his eyes off Jihoon’s sleeping figure. “I’m done?”

“Done?”

“Done, like. Fired. The Council decided they didn’t want me anymore?”

“I tried to help, Soonyoung, I really - “

“But they sent me out for something they knew wasn’t going to happen, I know, I don’t blame you Jeonghan.” He turns back to his best friend. “I appreciate it, actually. I really appreciate everything you’ve ever done and tried to do for me. But the Council made their decision, and there was nothing you could do to change it. That’s okay.” 

“I’m so sorry, I’m so - wait, it - it’s okay?” Soonyoung nods. He won’t look up from his feet.

“Yeah. You told me at the very beginning, once an angel is dismissed, they get sent to live on Earth.  _ Have fun living a finite life _ . I remember you telling me that.” Jeonghan gapes at him.

“Soonyoung, no.”

“No what?”

“No, I know what you’re thinking, and you - you are  _ not _ going to stay down here, I’m sorry. I don’t care if you’re a Cupid or a - whatever, I don’t care  _ what _ you are, but you can’t stay down here. I need - I need you with me, me and Josh, we - we want you to stay with us. Don’t you want that, too?”

“You can’t be asking me to choose - “

“ - Between your best friends and some people you met a few months ago? Yeah, Soonyoung, I’m asking you to choose. This shouldn’t be a hard decision to make.”

“I love you guys.”

“But?”

“But - But I … “ He glances past the door again, and Jeonghan follows his gaze. The color in his eyes hardens like steel.

“But you love him, too. I get it.”

“He’s given me something that I can’t give back, Jeonghan. You have to understand.”

“Take it with you.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“You’ll die down here.”

“I’d rather die at some point knowing that I was happy than live forever being miserable.”

“You didn’t even  _ know _ you loved this guy until a few hours ago, are you fucking kidding me? Who’s to say you won’t fall out of love with each other, yeah? What if things don’t work out, and then you’re stuck down here? God, come  _ home _ , Soonyoung. You won’t be miserable, you’ll move on.”

Soonyoung manages to keep his composure surprisingly calm, considering the torrent inside him right now. He wants to cry, actually. “Why can’t I have both?”

“If I could give you both, I would.”

“What if Jihoon  _ is _ my soulmate?” he asks suddenly, flinching when his voice gets a little too loud. Jeonghan shushes him and pulls them away from the door. “What if this happened for a reason, Han? We were - We were meant to find each other.”

“Angels don’t have soulmates, stupid.”

“That’s not true,” he argues. “We’re just never given the chance to meet ours. You got lucky, yours happened to be an angel, too.”

Jeonghan’s lips disappear into a thin line. He won’t argue with that, Soonyoung knows. He’s aware of his fortune in finding Joshua. The gift he was given that most angels like them can’t even dream of.

“You shouldn’t have let yourself get so close,” Jeonghan whispers. “You knew you were going to come home eventually.”

“How am I supposed to come home if I’ve been dismissed? They don’t want me up there anymore.”

“You can - I don’t know, you can be a guardian angel or something, do something else.”

Soonyoung scoffs, “Very funny. I was ass at being a dumb old Cupid, you think I could handle guiding people’s  _ lives _ ? Definitely not. Don’t start arguing with me on what I should and shouldn’t want - you know that doesn’t matter. I’m going to end up down here whether I like it, whether you or Josh or the stupid fucking Council likes it or not, because those are the rules.”

“Fuck rules. The Council broke those when they decided to rig your mission.”

“I don’t care anymore.”

“They won’t remember you.” Soonyoung stills. Jeonghan recognizes the weight of what he’s just said.

“You want to stay down here so bad, huh, ‘cause it makes you happy? Soonyoung, they’re going to treat the end of this like the end of any standard mission, accomplished or not. Every memory that holds you is going to be wiped. It’ll be like you never existed to these people.” He pauses, and within an instant, Soonyoung can see the tension and frustration sweep out from him. His shoulders sag and the crinkles by his eyes look more tired than ever. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I don’t know what we’ll do about this.”

“Leave the memories. Make them do it.”

“Excuse me?”

“They deliberately fucked up my career, they sabotaged my last chance to prove myself. They could have let me go and let that be the end of it, but they chose to lead you on and put me through this shit. The least they could do is this. I have never asked the Council for anything else.”

Jeonghan hesitates, pulling back a little to look at Soonyoung wholly, open-mouthed. He settles in a second, though, pushing his shoulders back and nodding determinedly. “Okay,” he says. “I’ll see what I can do.” Soonyoung wants to hug him long enough to show just how much he appreciates him.

“I’m, uh. Sorry for getting heated. You’re my closest friend, I don’t … I really can’t imagine life without you.” Soonyoung feels his face relax, his eyes softening when he goes to squeeze Jeonghan’s shoulders.

“No, I get it. And I - I care about you so much man, you know I’d never want to choose between you and - and, y’know. But whatever happens will happen, we’ll just do what we can now.”

His arms fall back to his sides. It looks like it takes some energy, but Jeonghan manages a small smile. 

“Get some sleep now, yeah? You’re exhausted.”

“Get back to me as soon as you can?”

“Definitely.”

“Thank you - for, for everything. Everything you’ve ever done for me, which is so, so much. Half the time I don’t think I deserve a friend as good as you.” Jeonghan’s hand goes to wrap around Soonyoung’s wrist, holding him warm and tight.

“Don’t say stuff like that. Friends shouldn’t have to deserve each other - if they care about each other, they take care of each other. You might not realize it, but you’ve done a lot for me, too.”

“Still, the lengths you go to … you’ve put yourself through so much. Thank you.”

That small smile is still there, tired and barely holding on, but there nonetheless. Jeonghan chuckles weakly. “I know, I know. You owe me so much. Don’t worry, I won’t hold it to you.”

“Okay,” Soonyoung wrenches his hand out of the grasp, rolling his eyes. “You ruined the moment. Go, asshole.” Jeonghan laughs harder.

“You love me.”

“I do. Unfortunately.”

Another laugh, a short reluctance by Jihoon’s front door when Jeonghan moves to leave, stopping to look back at Soonyoung. Soonyoung assures him, “There’s nothing left to say, now. It’s okay.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.”

And with a last, short wave, Jeonghan slips past the door. Soonyoung doesn’t let himself go to the window and wait, wait to see if he can spot the angel flying back to what is probably a useless endeavor. He doesn’t lay down on the couch, either.

He pads back to Jihoon’s room and winces at the creak of the door, but the boy doesn’t stir. He hesitates at the edge of the bed, staring down at the way Jihoon’s chest is slowly rising and falling. Soonyoung knows by now, but it hits him again like a ton of bricks.

He loves him, he loves him; he wishes his heart would be a fist folding in on itself, with nails pressing into the soft skin of its palm; shutting itself up tight so nothing could penetrate it. That’s the smartest thing to do, Soonyoung knows. The more he feels, the deeper he falls, the more this will hurt in the end. He should have no choice but to close himself off.

But his heart is not a fist, it’s a heart. It’s open and feeling and irrational. And that’s why he allows him to lay down next to Jihoon, gingerly, so as not to wake him up, and that’s why he sighs at how  _ comfortable _ and  _ right _ it feels to be there. Jihoon’s breath is hot on his shoulder.

“What am I going to do?” he whispers into the dark. He doesn’t know.

So he doesn’t think about it anymore. He closes his eyes, and he sleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh gOD ok i kind of don't like this ?? sort of ????? hmmm i feel like the pacing is super off BUT w/e i hope you liked it anyway !!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my goal was to post this yesterday for valentine's (and carat!!) day but ,, shit happens life is messy !!! and i suck at time management lmao. anyway here we go ! this is more of a filler chapter than anything bc nothing huge happens but i wanted to throw in a lil bit of howoo cute before things take off ;( <3

** ° **

**IN THE MORNING,** everything feels hazy, like he hasn’t truly woken up, but he’s still dreaming.

And then he remembers Jihoon sleeping directly next to him, and his heart stutters into wide-awake action.

Jihoon is weirdly cuddly when he sleeps; when he’s awake, he doesn’t seem so touchy, but now he’s hogged all the blankets to himself and Soonyoung is kept warm purely by the heat emanating off of his body. Jihoon’s legs are all but wrapped around Soonyoung’s, one hand shoved in the latter’s face and the other strewn across his chest. Soonyoung’s afraid that if he breathes too deeply, he’ll wake Jihoon up.

Jihoon will probably be hungover from the night before. Soonyoung wants to get up and grab him some pain relievers, just in case, and go to make breakfast, but he doesn’t know where the boy keeps his medicine and he’s a terrible cook, so he stays put. He realizes that this instinct to get up and do what he can to take care of Jihoon - before Jihoon has even woken up - is coming from the flesh of his heart, and it’s mushy and sentimental, and Soonyoung has a swallow a lump in his throat to get over it.

He doesn’t move, but shifts his gaze to look at Jihoon out of the corner of his eye.

He finds that Jihoon is already looking at him.

Soonyoung jerks in surprise. “Jesus,” he gasps, “when did you wake up?”

Jihoon doesn’t answer right away. He’s got his mouth hidden behind the blanket and his hair is falling into his eyes, which look clouded over with sleep. There’s a flash of panic in Soonyoung.

“Wait, fuck, you remember me, don’t you?”

Then, slowly, Jihoon moves the blanket away.

“‘Course I remember you,” he murmurs. “I wasn’t  _ that _ drunk. Sorry about that, by the way.”

Soonyoung breathes an internal sigh of relief, the panic draining from him as quickly as it came. “Don’t be sorry,” he says.

“I am, anyway.”

Soonyoung sighs out loud, this time, letting Jihoon’s hands fall away from him as he sits up. He fell asleep in the same clothes he wore last night and he feels gross, sweaty and unkempt. Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, he says, “I need to shower, but before I do that, do you need anything?”

“No. Actually, answer one question for me.”

“What is it?”

“Why’d you stay the night?” Jihoon sounds so innocent, genuinely wondering. “You could’ve gone home and gotten cleaned up and comfortable … you didn’t have to stay with me. I would’ve been fine.”

Soonyoung tries to push down the flush creeping up his neck, but he can’t stop it. “I … uh, I couldn’t be sure. For all I know, you could’ve thrown up or something in the middle of the night, and there would have been no one to help you out. I just didn’t feel comfortable leaving you all on your own.”

Jihoon’s morning voice is so, so adorable. He talks with his lips barely parted, mumbling soft and quietly, and his eyes open just the  _ tiniest _ bit to look at Soonyoung. He says, “You’re like an angel,” with irises that shine, and he says, “you popped into my life when I didn’t think I needed anything else, but now I know that I would be very, very sad if you left.” And because Soonyoung can’t help his stupid self, he stays, sitting on the edge of the bed and holds Jihoon’s eyes with his own.

“You think I’m like an angel?” he puffs out. Jihoon doesn’t even shift from where he’s laying.

“Yeah. If you had wings, they’d be small but really soft and strong. They’d probably smell nice, too.” Soonyoung laughs lightly.

“You would  _ smell _ my wings?” he asks, and Jihoon finally moves to bury his head into his pillow.

“Shut up, I’m still sleepy. You can’t take anything I say right now seriously.”

“Too late. I’ll never forget it.”

“Ugghhh.”

“It’s okay, you’re cute when you’re tired like this, so you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Oops. That slipped out without too much thought. Jihoon turns to look at Soonyoung again while the latter blushes, pressing one half of his face into the pillow so only one eye is trained on the boy beside him.

“You think ‘m cute?”

“Don’t take it to heart. I think lots of people are cute.”

“Yeah, but you think  _ I’m  _ cute.”

“Right, well.” Soonyoung breathes out softly. His fingers are toying with the edge of the bedsheet. “I suppose I do.”

Slowly, Jihoon’s arm comes out from where it’s hidden under the blanket, fingers splaying and pushing Sooyoung’s thigh weakly. “Go shower,” he says lightly. “You can borrow my clothes when you’re done.”

__

When he’s done, his hair pokes his eyes in wet downward spikes and Jihoon’s shirt feels big even on him. Every moment he gets to himself, he can’t help thinking about the night before, and his conversation with Jeonghan. All the uncertainty is welling up in his stomach and threatening to come up from his throat. Even now that he knows he’s totally clean, he doesn’t feel like he scrubbed his skin hard enough.

“Your body wash smells like strawberries,” he comments, looking at Jihoon through the mirror.

“I like smelling like strawberries.”

“That’s cute.”

“Ugh, you need to stop calling me cute. You’re making things seriously hard for me right now.”

Soonyoung freezes. Not just externally - but everything inside him, his pulse, his nerves, every molecule building him up in that moment, totally shot. The only thing that moves is his mouth.

“I am?”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry.”

“You could come over here instead of being sorry. If you - If you want.”

Soonyoung still looks at him through the mirror, a second version of themselves on display in the glass. This Jihoon, this second, imitation Jihoon he’s looking at right now, is so pretty this morning; it’s as if every minute spent asleep is a minute of life building up inside him, youth and color so vibrant, so when he wakes up, he’s nothing but a bed of red cheeks and soft lips, conditioned by sleep. Soonyoung knows that if this is just the imitation, the real thing will be much harder to look at. He almost can’t get himself to turn around.

“What about Seungcheol?” he finally asks, when he’s worked up the nerve to face him.

“What about him?”

“You’re not completely over him. You said so yourself.”

“I did?”

Soonyoung smiles so wryly it’s almost a grimace. “You said a lot of things last night.”

“I didn’t forget them all.” 

Jihoon’s words match his eyes; soft, guileless and frank. Soonyoung notices a vase of dying flowers by the windowsill and fixates on them. He doesn’t know what else to do.

“You meant it?” he asks, not looking.

“Of course I did.”

“You asked me to act like none of that ever happened, everything you said. To pretend you never said any of it.”

“I asked you to do that in the case that you don’t like me back. This  _ could _ be my impaired judgment, but I don’t remember ever getting a response from you. All I know is I said what I said, and when I woke up this morning, you were in my bed.”

Soonyoung’s body feels useless and awkward where it’s standing. His arms dangle loosely at his sides, his throat keeps getting tighter; everything about him feels too big and too small all at once, with Jihoon staring at him so intently.

“Just an answer,” Jihoon continues. “Don’t tell me what I want to hear, tell me how you’re feeling, honestly. I need to know that first before I can do anything else.”

“Jihoon, I … fuck. I don’t know. I mean, I  _ know _ , I know I like you.” Saying that so suddenly, so out loud and so clear for Jihoon to hear - it makes Soonyoung’s knees buckle. “Shit. I think I really,  _ really _ like you, actually. But I’ve never felt like this before and I - I don’t know what to do about it, and if you’re still hanging on to Seungcheol then … I just don’t know that this is such a good idea - for me.”

Finally, Jihoon sits up, propping himself up with one arm and holding Soonyoung in his gaze. There’s an invisible rope between them, knotted tightly, and Jihoon grabs on to it like a lifeline with his eyes. He speaks firmly.

“I understand that, Soonyoung. I do. I can admit that my feelings are like, really messy and confusing, and they’re not fair to you. I don’t want to make things hard for you.”

“But  _ see _ ,” Soonyoung breaks, striding back to the bed and flopping down on it. “You  _ are _ making this hard for me, and it’s not even your fault, really. You just -  _ exist _ , and you’re so sweet and understanding. Even now, you’re all like,  _ oh, this isn’t fair to you _ \- like, you’re not even trying to defend yourself right now! You’re really, truly looking out for me, and that just cements everything I feel for you. And I can’t help the way I feel, no more than you can help being torn between me and Seungcheol.”

Jihoon doesn’t say anything at first. His free hand comes to brush Soonyoung’s cheek, touching the corner of his mouth, and Soonyoung’s lips twitch. “I’m not really torn, though,” Jihoon admits. “I know I can’t have Seungcheol, that there’s nothing there for me to pursue. In a way, that makes things easier, because I know that my only other option besides obsessing over him is to move on. Having you here makes that even easier.”

“I don’t want to be your rebound, Jihoon.”

“Not like that. Never like that. I mean, having a chance with someone, a real shot at this kind of happiness … and with someone I really, actually like. Soonyoung, I wasn’t kidding when I said you’re like an angel in my life.”

Soonyoung is struck suddenly by the feeling of fate. Everything Jeonghan told him last night, it makes him angry, almost, knowing they were both duped - but it also almost feels as if this is how things were meant to be. He was  _ meant  _ to meet Jihoon, and even if it fucks up everything and makes his life a hundred times more complicated, he can’t say he regrets falling for the boy.

“When did you realize how you felt about me?” Soonyoung asks, staring up at the ceiling. “Because it just hit me last night, but it hit me hard, and I feel like weeks’ worth of emotions are sitting right on my chest, and it’s kind of killing me.” Jihoon snorts.

“When? I dunno … Maybe, maybe two weeks ago. We were going to work and it was raining, and I didn’t have an umbrella so you offered to share yours. I could tell half your body was getting soaked, but you insisted on covering me. I couldn’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the day. Is that what love is?” he asks, unexpectedly. “The most trivial, meaningless things, but they seem more meaningful than anything in the world when they’re coming from the right person.”

“I think that’s part of it,” Soonyoung answers, not actually knowing anything about love at all. “And then there’s a whole lot more. Some of it is too hard to put into words.”

Or maybe he does know about love. He knows too much and not enough all at once

His heart is beating fast. When he talks, he sounds calm, but the hammering in his chest is threatening to shake his whole body. Soonyoung feels his hands actually start to tremor a little when Jihoon leans over him, looking down into his face.

“I would like to kiss you right now.”

“You - You would?”

Jihoon nods, “Mm-hmm. And then I want to grab an aspirin, because my head is killing me, and eat some toast. Aspirin and toast are a must. Kissing you is … well, that’s up to you. But it would be nice.”

Soonyoung’s words abandon him. All he can do is nod, barely, just a fraction of movement, and Jihoon grins.

“Was that a yes?”

“Uh-huh. Wait - “ Soonyoung puts his palm against Jihoon’s chest just as he starts to lean in closer.

“What?”

“Seungcheol.”

“What about Seungcheol? I’m not thinking about him right now, so you don’t need to, either.”

“Oh. Okay.”

It occurs to Soonyoung that his life doesn’t have to revolve somewhat around Seungcheol anymore. The mission is over, lost entirely to the void. There’s nothing left for him to do concerning Jihoon and Seungcheol both. He feels relieved, but there’s only a second for him to think about it before Jihoon’s lips meet his, and suddenly every thought in his brain shuts down.

It’s warm and sweet, but cautious, like there’s a thin rope of distance between their mouths; a barrier more emotional than physical, because they’re both too scared to move too fast, until Soonyoung realizes he wants more and pushes further, and Jihoon pushes back.

They end up in a compromising position, with Jihoon straddling him and both hands at either side of Soonyoung’s face, but it doesn’t matter because no one else is there to see. Not a soul in that room except for the two of them, kissing languidly, like their lips were actually made to fit together. When they break for breath, Jihoon looks down at him, glowing. Gravity exists kindly for Soonyoung to watch the way his hair flops forward, and it’s all messed up and tangled from where Soonyoung’s hands were in it. He laughs.

“That was good.”

“It was,” Jihoon agrees, breathless. “This might sound a little forward, but as soon as I’ve eaten and showered, I want to spend the rest of the day doing that.”

“I’d like that, too.” Jihoon grins.

“Awesome. Shower first,” and he springs up with some unexpected swiftness for someone who was barely awake just a little bit ago, leaving Soonyoung alone on the bed.

As soon as he hears the water running, he starts talking quietly to the ceiling.

“I know you’re probably busy,” he says, “and you can’t talk right now, but I’m more sure than ever. I feel like my throat has just been sliced open and Jihoon is the one holding the knife, but in a good way, like I don’t want him to stop. Don’t let them take his memories away, please don’t let them.”

And then he stops, because saying any more than that feels like pushing it.

__

Over breakfast, he can’t help asking. There’s an internal struggle he can feel from the pit of Jihoon’s stomach, like ropes all knotted and twisted together, he can sense them, and he has to ask, “This is real, right? No - No rebound? I’m not just some wall you’re bouncing off of to get over Seungcheol?”

“This is a weird thing to talk about out loud.”

“Does that mean the answer is yes?” Soonyoung asks, horrified.

“ _ No _ , no, Jesus, not at all. I just, I mean that - I can hardly sort out my thoughts for  _ myself _ to understand right now, let alone put them into words for you to hear. But I’m sure, this is real, I like you. The fact that I managed to fall so hard within two months of knowing you, when I’ve loved Seungcheol for  _ years _ … that’s gotta be worth something, right? I’m just … reeling, I guess. I wasn’t expecting it to happen.”

Soonyoung knows he has a tendency to be too trusting, but Jihoon looks so sincere at that moment, he believes it.

“Do you - Do you think, if we met all over again, things would work out like this? I mean, without the whole mistletoe disaster, preferably. Do you think so?”

“Like, if we started over?”

“Yeah.”

“Weird question,” Jihoon mumbles, biting from his toast. “But I do think so, yes. I think the world has a special way of working things out.”

“And it would happen again?”

“I would like it to.”

“I like you a lot Jihoon.”

Jihoon looks up at him, a glimmering amusement somewhere behind his eyes. He half-smiles and his cheeks go all big because he’s still in the middle of chewing. Soonyoung wants so,  _ so _ badly to hold his face in both hands. “You’re adorable,” he says, and little rose spirals start to form under his eyes. “I like you a lot, too. I mean that.”

Soonyoung has to stop himself from wondering where they’ll go from here. If he thinks too hard - about Jeonghan, the next time they’ll see each other, if he’s really asking the Council for too much and won’t get what he wants - he’ll drive himself crazy.

So he tells himself to forget it all for a few moments. Focus on now, on Jihoon, with him, kind and beautiful and gentle and sweet, the morning’s best gift. For now, that’s enough.

For now, he’s happy.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH THE WAY I DIED ON THIS FIC I'M SO SORRY
> 
> i needed a big ol' break from this because i just ,, was not feeling it. i just felt like this wasn't turning out good and my writing was getting worse and it was really hard to write under that mindset. but !! with a little bit of support and encouragement (cough i love u ava cough) i got around to finishing it ! it's a bit shorter i admit, and it might not be the most perfect ending, but it's what i needed to feel comfortable enough to move on to writing something new :)
> 
> if you've stuck through with this fic & my inconsistent updates then thank you !! all the lovely comments and kudos mean the world to me <3

°

**IT’S UNFORTUNATE THAT ** this has to happen in his sleep. Soonyoung has a vague, dreamy memory of feeling warm and content, blissfully unconscious - and then, suddenly, he’s gasping awake. He blinks, eyes darting around frantically when he realizes the room he’s in is entirely unfamiliar to him, and scrambles to his feet. It’s cold, the floor is marble and the walls so white they almost blend together, so Soonyoung feels like he’s not even in a room, but floating out in an empty space. He knows, after taking a second to catch his breath, he isn’t  _ really _ awake. Lucid dreaming, but for angels. It’s real, but happening somewhere else, in a deep recess of his mind while he sleeps soundly on Earth.

And he knows. He knows what he’s here for.

Honestly, he’s never thought of actually going to  _ see _ the Council. In his mind, it’s a group of five or six old men sitting at a long table somewhere in the clouds, hooded and bitter-looking, but he’s never seen them in the flesh. Most of his contact with them comes in the form of paper notices in his mailbox and Jeonghan’s reports.

Which, speaking of Jeonghan, there he is.

“Jesus Christ,” Soonyoung gasps again, hand clutching at his chest. “What the hell is going on?”

“Sorry, this was the best time to do it.”

“You could’ve warned me! I’m not ready for this.”

Jeonghan looks uncomfortable, avoiding Soonyoung’s stare in favor of the floor. He says, “I don’t really know how this is going to go. You know, nothing like this has ever happened before.”

“Great. I hope they write about me in the newspaper, let all the other angels know.”

“Soonyoung.” Jeonghan looks up at him, then, seriously. “I’m trying really hard to make this work for you, but you’re going to have to talk to them yourself. Don’t make a dumb joke and screw it up for yourself.”

“Why do  _ I _ have to talk to them? Don’t they trust you? Jeonghan, you know these guys, you know how to handle them. I-I’ve never even seen them before.”

“Just be respectful and be sincere … I think that’s the best you can do.”

It hits Soonyoung like a bright, hot flash of light; this is it, this is him about to make his case. And it could go wrong.

It’s almost as if Jeonghan reads his mind. He says, “If this doesn’t work out, you’ll still have us.”

“I thought I was fired?” Jeonghan cracks a small smile.

“Well, that’s one thing … I mean, what the Council did was illegal, pretty much. Corrupt. They agreed to make it up to you by letting you keep your job. If nothing else. At least, that’s what they told me,” he adds.

He wants to say more, ask more questions, but the longer he stands there, the more fragmented he feels. He has to remind himself that he’s left reality, and entered a sort of purgatory - a half-real, half-imagined state of mind, where his actions will have consequences but it’s still hard to stand without losing balance.

So he clamps his mouth shut, clenches his jaw like there are bolts between his teeth, and he nods. Rip the bandage off, he thinks, now or never.

When he closes his eyes, it’s only for a brief second, but when he opens them, he’s in a different room.

This one is darker, but still bright, in a yellowish way. It looks like he’s standing in an office, actually, and now at least he can see the shadows on the wall and on the floor. Jeonghan is gone, he stands facing a blank wall, and he jumps when someone clears their throat behind him.

“Christ!” he exclaims, whipping around to see a middle-aged looking man quirking one eyebrow at him.

“Excuse me?”

“I - I mean, uh. Sorry. You startled me.”

The guy doesn’t bother introducing himself, which Soonyoung finds a little rude. He can guess who he is - and like, okay, he gets it. This guy is probably a powerful, all-knowing being who doesn’t owe Soonyoung anything, but geez.

There’s an awkward space of silence that grows between them; Soonyoung doesn’t know how to start this conversation, and the man doesn’t look like he plans to any time soon, so finally, Soonyoung says, “Um, how are we gonna do this?” You can imagine how graceful it sounds.

But that seems to set things into motion. In a whirl, the man is suddenly moving, moving around his desk to dig through the cabinets, papers crinkling and flitting through the air as he tosses them aside, until he seemingly finds what he’s looking for and stands with a silent  _ aha _ . He holds up a decently thick, cream-colored file with Soonyoung’s name written on the tab.

“This,” he explains, somewhat unnecessarily, “is yours.”

“Oh. Looks like you’ve got a lot of stuff in there.”

“Yes, yes. There’s a lot about you to keep track of. Come here, sit down.”

Soonyoung hesitates before taking a seat before him – him, or, “Sorry, what’s your name?”

The man bristles, as if what Soonyoung just asked was disrespectful in some way, but answers nonetheless. “Han Seongsu.”

“You’re quite the special case, Kwon Soonyoung,” Seongsu starts. “You have a record of failing your missions that stretches back a long time. And now … you’ve fallen in love with one of your targets. Interesting.”

Soonyoung feels awkward, embarrassed. He wants to explain himself, but Jeonghan’s words ring in his head and he’s terrified of saying something dumb and screwing himself over.

Seongsu flips through his file some more, as if to taunt Soonyoung, before shutting it and clearing his throat once more. “Right,” he starts. “What will we do with you? You don’t seem to live up to the title of Cupid.”

“I - “ Soonyoung blurts, ready to defend himself, but stops. When Seongsu nods for him to continue, he starts again, slowly. “I … I never signed up for this job. I’m not good at it, true, but it’s not like I asked to be here.”

“A very good point, and we see where you’re coming from.”

“So you thought it’d be cool to sabotage me and get me fired? Doesn’t sound like you were really that understanding.”

Seongsu raises his eyebrows, and Soonyoung groans internally.

“You seem to be very opinionated on the matter.”

“Wouldn’t you be, if it were you?”

Seongsu has no response for that. For a moment, Soonyoung feels good, smug. Even if everything were to go to shit, he’d find solace in knowing he made his point.

“In hindsight … what happened to you was not fair.” Soonyoung almost scoffs, but he holds it in. “The Council recognizes that. We would appreciate it if you could, however, see our point of view; what the Council runs is a very tight operation, we can’t afford to have clipped wires ruining the system.”

“Are you calling me a defect?”

“No. I’m saying, we realized a long time ago that you were not cut out for being a cupid.”

“Then why did you keep sending me on missions?”

“Soonyoung, we may seem cruel, but it is never our goal to leave an angel in the dust. You were a terrible cupid - “  _ wow, thanks  _ “ - but it is undeniable that you were good at something else, this was clear every time you stepped foot on Earth. You might have struggled to help your targets find love, but you never fell short of bringing them happiness.”

Soonyoung has to pause for a moment and register what he’s saying. He can feel his face twisting in confusion, but then he remembers something Minghao told him a while ago:  _ I don’t think there’s a single person whose life you haven’t touched, even just a little … It’s like making people happy comes so naturally to you. _

Seongsu continues, “We kept sending you out on missions to be sure.”

“To be sure of what?” Soonyoung asks.

“That you’d really be suitable for another position, one we’ve been contemplating for a while. You could be a guardian, Soonyoung.”

Okay, pause. Soonyoung’s brain flatlines for a second. A  _ guardian? _

Guardian angels, in Soonyoung’s mind, are  _ the _ shit. They’re great and wise and respected, some of the highest ranking individuals in the entire angelic system. The thought of being one had never crossed his mind - it’s almost laughable. Seongsu seems to read this without him saying anything.

“There are rules, you have to know this. We didn’t interfere with your latest mission because we wanted to hurt you, but it’s impossible to simply hand a title as prestigious as that of a guardian to someone like you for no good reason, especially without proper preparation. We needed one last chance, one good reason to dismiss you as cupid, but also a good reason to make you a guardian.” Finally, for the first time since Soonyoung found himself in his office, Seongsu shows some humanity. He smiles a guilty smile and says, “A little convoluted, is it? Unfortunately, this is how the sense of order works here.”

Soonyoung gets it, he supposes, he gets their weird, twisted logic. Soonyoung was thrown into Jihoon’s life and instead of giving him the love he wanted, he found something else, another way. Maybe, he thinks, he gave Jihoon the happiness he deserved, in spite of things not working out with Seungcheol. The thought makes his chest grow warm.

Seongsu continues to smile at him expectedly, and Soonyoung isn’t sure what to say.

Or maybe, he does. In this situation, there should only be one answer. But it’s not what he wants.

“Seong - Um, Sir. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be a guardian unless it means I can be with Jihoon.”

To his surprise, Seongsu doesn’t waver. “I thought you’d say something like that,” he says. “It is uncommon, I will admit, for a guardian angel to be in such a close relationship with his subject, but it isn’t impossible. Think for a moment, what is a guardian meant to do?”

Soonyoung knows. They live on Earth, they form friendships and keep a close eye on their subject. They give advice, they guide, they guard … they make people happy.

“It would seem to me that Lee Jihoon likes you very much. If being in a relationship with him makes him happy, it would not be a breach in the system. You would still technically be doing your job.”

“What, are you serious?” Soonyoung asks this even though he’s sure Seongsu has never told a joke in his life.

“I’m not the type to pull pranks, Soonyoung. I am serious,” Seongsu confirms, and Soonyoung has to will every bone in his body to stay put. But it’s  _ hard _ .

There’s an excitement that washes over him. He wants to jump up and exclaim, go find Jeonghan and tell him the good news, maybe even cry out of relief because  _ God _ , he was so nervous - but he stays seated out of respect and, honestly, out of fear that this might be a dream - a real dream - and he’ll just be getting his hopes up for nothing.

“Bear in mind,” Seongsu goes on while Soonyoung struggles to contain himself, “this is highly unusual for the Council. We would appreciate it if you didn’t make a big deal out of this when you get home.”

“No, no, of course not, I’m - home? Am I staying on Earth? Is there, like, a training program? It would be kinda suspicious if I just disappeared for a couple days, and I - “

“This isn’t the FBI. You can continue living on Earth, I will have Jeonghan send you a file with everything you need to know. It’ll be the same as the file you received at the start of your cupid mission, with a few added guidelines.”

“Wow, okay. I -  _ wow _ . Thank you so much. I don’t even know what to say.”

Seongsu smiles again, and Soonyoung is surprised to find that he actually looks quite kind - although he’s sure this guy has done a bunch of other shit, too.

“There isn’t much left to say - I’m only doing my job. You should probably get back to Earth, though. It’s just about time to wake up.”

So he does as told. He doesn’t get the chance to meet with Jeonghan, but he figures they’ll see each other again soon.

In a blink, he’s back in his apartment and staring up at the ceiling. He feels drowsy and confused, like he just woke up from a crazy, vivid dream - and then it all comes back to him. The memories flood his brain, drowning him almost, so he shoots up from his bed and starts gasping for air (one side effect of the whole inter-dimensional traveling thing - it makes you want to puke once it’s all over).

Managing to force down the bile rising in his throat, he starts thinking a million things at once. His apartment, he needs to decorate it so it looks like someone actually lives here. He should buy new clothes, too, and maybe learn how to cook so he won’t have to keep buying takeout. And Jihoon! Jihoon, the best thing, the highlight of this dream - Soonyoung wants to see him.

So he does. He doesn’t even bother dressing, simply racing down the hall and down the stairs of his -  _ his _ , officially his! - building in his too-big t-shirt and pounding on Jihoon’s door once he reaches his apartment. It takes a couple tries, but in a few minutes Jihoon is answering, looking half-asleep and so unbelievably cute.

Soonyoung doesn’t take a minute to explain why he’s here, just grabs Jihoon’s face and kisses him full on the mouth.

There’s a second where Jihoon doesn’t respond, and Soonyoung starts to wonder what he’s doing, he’s about to pull away and apologize, but Jihoon suddenly wakes up and starts kissing him back.

It’s sloppy and rushed with the way Soonyoung is trying to let out all his feelings at once, hands coming up to cup Jihoon’s face and bury his fingers in the boy’s hair. He figures he’ll have more time to explore this later - the little dimples beside Jihoon’s mouth, how it moves, how it feels - but this, this is everything he needs right now.

When they come apart, they’re both breathing heavily; Jihoon’s lips are red and full, his cheek has little indents where Soonyoung was holding it, his eyes are sparkling, and Soonyoung wants to collapse.

Jihoon says, “Soonyoung, it’s eight in the morning. What are you doing?”

“I just - I woke up, and I realized that I’m crazy about you. I mean, I already knew it, but it really hit me just then, and I - I had to see you, I needed to tell you. I’m sorry.”

It’s hard to get the words out. His heart is beating so fast, lodging itself in his throat and tripping every syllable, but when he says it, Jihoon looks endeared to the fullest extent, puffing up his cheeks out of shyness and grinning. “You,” he says, “are ridiculous. Come inside, you idiot.”

Soonyoung lets Jihoon grab his hand and pull him inside, he lets the door slam behind him, and he lets Jihoon pull him against his body so Soonyoung can rest his chin on his head. A pair of arms snake around his waist and squeeze him tight.

“I’m crazy about you too, y’know.”

Soonyoung feels breathless. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I didn’t see it coming, but you got me.”

“Yeah, yeah, I do,” Soonyoung feels a smile starting to form, taking over his face. “I got you.”

And then, everything feels right in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: 04ngel  
twitter: cheniuvrs
> 
> this has also been cross-posted to wattpad under the username kwanies !
> 
> playlist for this fic is "sigh" on spotify <3 (my username is conphused)


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